| Celibacy is the only sexual perversion no one understands. Celibacy, in case it’s not in your sexicon, is non-participation in sexual relations.
Other sexual preferences are innate. One makes this choice completely voluntarily and somewhat intellectually. We are born sexual and sensual creatures. Whether you stick to it is between you and your conscience. Friends may think you no longer have an interest in sex. Au contraire. Celibates enjoy the emotional stimulation and envisioning the ideal encounter.
Religious folks make the sacrifice of sexual pleasures in the same way indulgences are given up for penance during lent. Some people are just tired of the power struggles and the search for perfection in the sexual games. The life of a celibate is not without its hazards. Saying "I am a celibate" can stop not only conversations but friendships. The reactions are similar to saying, "I have leprosy." Or, "My genital herpes is active tonight."
You can become celibate today and change your mind later. You can marry and have children. Both before my marriage and after my divorce, I took vows of celibacy. Long or short periods without sexual activity can re-charge your emotional and sexual batteries. Your decision will give you a completely new perspective on life, parties, dating, bars and fashion, and how you spend your time and money. The bonus is re-channelling that sexual energy makes one very productive.
Instead of cold showers to control your libido, you find yourself applying different criteria to both strangers and friends. With sex out of the equation, you see things you may have missed before. What atrocious manners! Gobbling food like the folks in Tom Jones may just be gross and not indicative of a voracious sexual appetite and even if it is – puh-leese! We’re in a French restaurant. This person may have been good at sexual innuendos but what about real conversation? And if you needed help, would your name be erased from his caller ID list? Did he even know your name?
Conversely, a person with whom you have no chemistry may turn out to be a vital part of your life. Two of my longest friendships are with men for whom I had no romantic inclinations. One was a gay man – a great dancer, conversationalist and friend. My other male buddy has a face like a thundercloud and a heart of gold. After 36 years, we still connect on a deep level, learning from each other, enjoying each other and celebrating our unique relationship.
You live in the moment because this is not a prelude to the big O. What happens here and now is the beginning, the middle and the end. You say what you mean, not what someone might want to hear. You can spend time with as many people as often as you like without fearing sexual diseases. You can be affectionate and complimentary with no ulterior motive. As can the other person. Laughter and fun seem to flow. When people aren’t trying to impress each other with their seductive powers, they listen and learn what helps and what hurts intimacy.
Sally Cline writes about women and celibacy and says that celibates may be single and live alone, live with friends, former lovers or with relatives, or embrace celibacy and opt to remain within a relationship with a spouse or long-term partner in a celibate lifestyle.
She also points out that these celibates consider celibacy as part of their sexuality and not antithetical to it. In turn, this invites us to reassess our perceptions and explore this complex state of being.
For those who want a full spectrum guide to celibacy, read A History of Celibacy by Elizabeth Abbott, Dean of Women at Trinity College and University of Toronto. |
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