| It was in Grade six when I first heard it. "Rod Stewart was rushed to the hospital to have a gallon of semen pumped from his stomach," the 11-year-old storyteller exclaimed. "I swear to God it's true."
Practically everyone I know heard some variation of this story when they were young. Elton John, David Bowie, Mick Jagger and Jon Bon Jovi – along with more contemporary stars Alanis Morrissette (who was rumoured to be addicted to semen), Li'l Kim, and Britney Spears – have all befallen the same fate as Rod the Mod. Never mind that at about a teaspoon a fella you'd have to suck off 768 guys to swallow a gallon of the stuff, come is harmless. No stomach pumping required.
So why do stories like this persist generation after generation. Like those stories in the early days of AIDS, where someone would sleep with a stranger and wake up to find the message "Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!" scrawled on the bathroom mirror in lipstick or delivered in a tiny gift-wrapped coffin.
"I think whenever there is a subject or issues that are difficult to discuss directly, it appears in our folklore," says Mariamne H. Whatley, a women's studies professor who co-authored the book Did You Hear About the Girl Who...?: Contemporary Legends, Folklore, & Human Sexuality with her folklorist sister, Elissa R. Henken. Whatley and Henken wrote the book in response to the many stories their students asked about in class. "It occurred to us how much these legends contributed to cultural beliefs and stereotypes about sexuality," says Whatley.
So why do so many urban myths revolve around sex? "Many of these stories reveal our curiosity about other people’s sexual practices," says Whatley. "Things we might be too embarrassed to ask questions about." If we're curious about what actually goes on between gay men, for example, some joker decides they shove gerbils up their bum and next thing you know, that kid in the schoolyard is insisting it happened to a friend of a friend of a friend.
"You find similar stories around the world," Whatley says. "They may have a specific cultural twist, but they're coming from universally common anxieties and concerns." A medievalist friend of Whatley's once told her that she came across 13th century tales of couples getting stuck together during intercourse. Similar stories persist today, often with a modern update. "Back in the ’50s, you'd have stories about teenage couples necking and getting their braces stuck together that reflected the cultural taboos surrounding heavy petting at the time," says Whatley. "Now you have stories of young couples having sexual intercourse and getting their genital piercings stuck together."
HIV/AIDS-related legends have evolved as well. No more stories of lipstick-scrawled threats. These days you're more likely to hear about HIV-syringes being planted in gas-station pump handles or soda-vending machines. This, according to Whatley, reflects the shift from HIV as a "gay" disease to one that can also be spread through intravenous drug use, while also indicating that people are talking less about the dangers of unsafe sex and are more concerned about uncontrollable, random infection routes. "You can't help it if you buy a soft drink and get infected," says Whatley. "It's like it's not your fault if you get it that way."
Legends not only tap into sexual fears and taboos, they also reflect current political climates. Back during the debate about gays in the U.S. military, a lot of stories came out about men who were drugged by male roommates and sexually assaulted. "It's like they were a warning to men about what happens if you let gay men into your space," Whatley says.
Most legends still punish sexually independent women – like the story of the girl who masturbates with a frozen hot dog only to have it break off in her vagina and land her in the hospital. One version of this story has the hot dog lodged there, rotting and covered in maggots. Another version leaves her dead.
While these legends often reinforce homophobia and sexism and spread sexual misinformation, Whatley and Henken maintain that the folklore gathered in their book can be used as a positive sexual education tool. After all, these myths are funnier and far more engaging than an anatomy class. "By asking young people questions like: 'Why do you think this story is out there?' 'What are the messages in it?' or 'How do you respond to it?' you can open up the discussion in a different way," insists Whatley. And that, she swears to God, is true.
If you're interested in the variety and legitimacy of sexual urban legends check out snope.com.
Quickies
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