| People constantly come up to me on the street and ask "Say John, what do you think is the best scene involving rubber tubing in a movie?"
Actually, they don’t do that, but if they did, I wouldn’t hesitate to nominate the climactic battle from Crack Shadow Boxers (1978) in which several metres of surgical latex tubing turn an ordinary schlub into an unbeatable kung fu master. Well… maybe not "unbeatable" exactly, but he does OK.
Crack Shadow Boxers chronicles the unlikely adventures of two likable buffoons who make a meager living as travelling con artists. Neither of them knows a lick of kung fu, but an accidental victory over some famous martial artists transforms them both into instant celebrities. Before long, the two are in way over their heads and forced to come up with ingenious methods of defeating bad guys in order to impress their new girlfriends. One of the heroes comes up with the bizarre tactic of wrapping his torso up with rubber tubing. In battle, he ricochets around the arena like a pinball, springing to his feet whenever he falls, and sending his enemies own blows bouncing back at them. Some of the baddies get their hands tangled up in his elastic coils, just complicating things even further. It’s an enjoyably cartoonish scene from a particularly cartoonish martial arts flick.
Is that the only classic elastic scene in all of cinema? Heavens no! Just give me a minute to think of them, and I’ll come up with dozens – nay, hundreds of hilarious feature films that utilize giant rubber bands!
(Pause)
Damn it, I got nothing. What the hell’s wrong with me? I used to be able to fill entire columns based on topics like inflatable clothing or giant tongues, but now I can’t even come up with a second movie that exploits the miracle of modern elastic?
Hey wait a minute – do bungee cords count? If so, I’ve gotta mention the classic window washing scene from the Oscar-winning Wallace & Gromit short, A Close Shave (1995). This time around, the cheese-loving plasticene man-and-dog duo has taken up professional window-washing and they use bungee cables to accomplish their task lickety-split. In one memorable scene, Gromit is left dangling in front of a shop window while Wallace (voiced by Peter Sallis) is inside attempting to romance charming shopkeeper Wendolene Ramsbottom (voiced by Anne Reid). "Yer dog’s waiting" mutters Wendolene, pointing to the disgruntled Gromit. "Aye, I’d better see to him," stammers Wallace; "the bounce has gone from his bungee."
Sadly, most other movie appearances of bungees tend to be ill-advised action sequences, such as those appearing in GoldenEye (1995) and Demolition Man (1993). In both films, tough-guy protagonists employ bungee cords to dramatically descend from great heights. Sure James Bond and John Spartan look cool leaping off their respective perches, but the filmmakers conveniently ignore the fact that the second part of any bungee jump involves looking like a palsied rag doll as the elastic snaps you back into the sky, accompanied by an undignified "Boi-oi-oing" sound. That certainly would have improved Demolition Man, in my opinion.
Surely one of the greatest users of giant rubber bands has got to be Wile E. Coyote. Over the course of countless Road Runner cartoons, Wile E. managed to find more ways to injure himself with a giant rubber band than any of us thought possible. In a way, he taught us kids a number of important safety lessons. For instance, if you’re trying to catch a scrawny flightless bird, don’t launch yourself at it with an enormous homemade slingshot. Ka-Twaaaaang! Smack! Thud. Th-th-th-that’s all, folks! |
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