| Dear Josey,
I had surgery to remove cysts earlier this year. I now have a 15 cm, red scar running just above and parallel to my pubic hairline. I feel it's ugly, and I'm worried about showing it to a lover. How much of a reaction do scars get? How do I bring this up to someone? Are there people who are turned on by scars?
Dear Scarred,
According to Brenda Love in the Encyclopedia of Unusual Sexual Practices, women in certain African tribes used scars to increase their fertility until the early 20th century. Their reasoning was that when hubby touched this sensitive area, the brain released neurotransmitters in response to the pain, causing the woman to become sexually aroused and want to have sex. And more sex meant more chance she'd get preggers. Pubescent girls in some tribes proved their ability to endure the pain of childbirth through rites of passage that involved scarification. Boys had to endure this to prove they could stomach the hardships of hunting. Those without scarring were considered wimps, less desirable and unworthy of marriage.
So, scars prove you're made of good stuff. Women with scars as a result of childbirth, mastectomy or other surgical procedures often tell me that they learned to love their "battle" scars because they become a symbol for what you've been through.
You'll probably find others are often less judgmental of these types of things than we are ourselves. As for how to bring it up, try, "Hey, how's this for a scar… pretty impressive, eh? I got it in 'Nam," or something equally silly that will put lovers at ease, showing you're relaxed about your body.
As for the turn on, well, there isn't much out there that doesn't get someone off, scars being no exception. Remember the book/film Crash in which folks got off on car wrecks and each other's resulting scars? Often lumped in with these people are amputees and those with other disfigurements. These people are online waiting for you if you're interested.
Dear Josey,
When my girlfriend and I first got together, she’d never experienced an orgasm and told me not to be disappointed. However, she climaxed several times that first night, and continues to be multi-orgasmic whenever we have sex. But now, after about five or six climaxes, she complains of pain. Is this normal or is she just not used to this much activity.
Dear Over,
You remind of the guy who once wrote to me concerned that his girlfriend gushed too much when she came. Interesting that in both cases the letters came from the boyfriends and not the gals. But I'm sure you're genuinely concerned and all that stuff about how your girlfriend fires off orgasms like a machine gun now that she's with you is just background...
Anyhoo, let's talk about her pain, shall we. It's hard to tell what's going on without a clearer description: is it a sharp, stabbing pain, a dull thud, or a run-screaming-to-the-bathroom-'cause-my-cunt-is-on-fire kind of pain?
And even then, I’ve never heard of pain specifically related to multiple orgasms (though I personally experienced some serious forearm cramping after a nine-orgasm masturbation session I once did for charity).
There are, however, several conditions with fancy names that involve vaginal pain. Dyspareunia, which can result from pelvic inflammatory disease or endometriosis among other things, can cause pain deep in the vagina upon penetration. And women with vestibulitis – chronic inflammation of the vulva – may feel intense burning after intercourse.
If you're achieving these multiple orgasms through extensive rubbing action you could be causing bladder infections in your honey's pot. If she feels burning when she pees after sex, this could be what's going on.
Then again, maybe all those women out there who can barely squeeze one piddly orgasm during sex have placed a curse on her.
I suggest you get your gal to visit a gyno where she can explain the pain to someone who can actually have a look-see.
Sex, Lives and Videotape
The play on the movie title is getting a little tired, but SexTV’s new documentary series Sex, Lives and Videotape definitely won’t put you to sleep.
Running Mondays at 10 p.m. (EST) and repeating Sundays at 9 p.m. throughout September, the series of six half-hour documentaries features characters like Heather Veitch, a former stripper whose crew of Holy Hotties now offer solace and support to those in the sex industry and Noman Cowperthwait, a southern accountant, cowboy, clown and swinger who runs The Erotic Zone, a place for naked suburban Americans to get it on. Go to sextelevision.net for schedule details. |
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