| Dear Josey,
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to one sex while only ever falling in love with another? I am asking this, because I feel like a straight woman around guys, and always have crushes on them but, when I’m by myself, I am turned on by sexy images of other women. I enjoy dating guys and like kissing them but have yet to have sex. Does this mean I'm bisexual, gay, or just confused?
Dear Sexually,
First of all, one thing I’ve come to know over the years in writing this column is that ANYTHING is possible when it comes to sexual attraction and falling in love. Confusion is another constant. As is contradiction. So while you may think it odd that you have "crushes on" and "like kissing" boys but find yourself turned on by sexy images of women, it would almost be odd for you not to be turned on by sexy images of women given the culture we live in.
Women are depicted sexually much more than men (though it’s changing). Two women having sex is a much more common and acceptable fantasy for both straight men and women. You're not going to see two straight guys walking down the street hand in hand while women are more at ease being affectionate, even undressing in front of each other.
You may be bisexual. You may be gay (though the liking and kissing boys kinda rules that out but you’ll know for sure when you have sex with a guy, which it sounds like you’ll eventually get around to trying).
Don’t get too caught up trying to figure out into which box you belong. Some of us fit into more than one box. And some of us think outside the box entirely.
Dear Josey,
Lately my girlfriend has been trying to "liven" up our sex life. The other day she brought out this "Erotic Kisses Warming Oil," which didn't really go over well, because apparently I don't have any sensitive areas, which is where you’re supposed to use the stuff. I'm a pretty traditional guy who likes to have sex, roll over and go to sleep. Sometimes I almost feel bad, because as much as I hate to admit it, I'm pretty quick, and she doesn't always get what she needs. Now I'm stumped for ideas she might find exciting that I would be willing to do, and maybe even find exciting myself. Any advice?
Dear Insensitive,
At least you’re honest. Not everyone likes their sex all fancied up. But it’s good that you "almost" feel bad because your partner might not be totally satisfied. It’s a start. Now we just need to figure out what you would be willing to do, that might, as you say, turn you both on. Clearly, the erotic massage route isn’t for you. That’s common for a lot of guys who are raised to feel weird about being touched and therefore simply don’t respond to it. Here’s a suggestion: You and your girlfriend make separate lists (without the other person around) of what sexual activities would turn you on or that you would like to try. Don’t hold back. Go to the bookstore and flip through some sexuality books or look online if you’re stumped for ideas. Then create three columns beside these items marked "no way, José," "maybe," and "yeah baby!" Then get together and go through your lists with an open mind and an open heart and see if you can’t find some common sexual ground.
Dear Josey,
A few weeks ago our next-door neighbour and his friends in his hot tub awakened my wife and me at 3 am. The interruption turned into a romantic tryst. We had gone to bed four hours earlier and when we started kissing, I was surprised we didn’t have "jungle breath."
How long after going to sleep does bad breath occur, and what do you suggest to relieve the problem should urges arise during the night?
In Need of Breath Analysis
Dear In Need,
Your body slows down saliva (nature’s mouthwash) production during the night, which is what causes morning breath in just about everyone. After just a few hours, the bacteria in your mouth probably weren’t in full party mode, sparing you the kind of breath that could take out an eye.
Also, your breath will be sweeter if you practice good oral hygiene — flossing and brushing regularly (don’t forget the tongue!) – see a dentist more than once a decade and have a decent diet and no other serious health problems.
As for relieving the problem during the night, well, they have these things called toothbrushes: I hear they work wonders. If you’re too lazy to get up and use one, leave a couple beside the bed with a glass of water and make brushing part of foreplay. |
Copyright ©2006 FFWD. All rights reserved.