FFWDWeekly.com - July 6, 2006

I’m blessed with a massive penis (over 12 inches erect) and my wife loves it. She also strips for me, wears latex and kinky lingerie, and likes to make sex videos.

Lately, I’m obsessed with the idea of her with black men. She’ll take a 14-inch black dildo into her mouth but my fantasy is to see her do a black man in front of me, or even have her gang-banged by a group of black men.

What causes this? We have two kids, plenty of money and live in an upscale neighbourhood and 99.99 per cent of men would be in heaven if they had my penis and a sexy, kinky wife. I have everything I should possibly want. Why isn’t it enough?

Perhaps you read too many Penthouse letters as a young, well-hung teenager. In an article on salon.com, author Betsy Andrews dissects some of the common narratives in these letters.

"The most disappointing preoccupation of the Penthouse readership is a fetishization of a racist stereotype, the ‘big black’ stud," writes Andrews. She describes one letter in which a white couple go to a hip-hop club and pick up "Leroy," who has a "gigantic" member and talks like he’s in a blaxploitation flick: "You can't handle it, mama. This big black cock would split your little white belly in half!"

Sound about up your alley? I’m not saying your fantasies are necessarily racist but given the tendency to exoticize Blacks, Asians, and Latinos in porn, you might want to think about the notion of fetishizing an entire race.

That said, fantasies and fetishes are unpredictable things that generally aren’t "caused" like a common cold. They arise out of a complex combination of upbringing, sexual experience, psychology and wanting to explore something taboo. They have nothing to do with how many children you have or the chic-ness of your neighbourhood. They’re also not something we always get to realize. If your wife agrees to it, I’m sure you’d be able to find a black guy willing to fuck her. Finding a gang of well-hung black guys willing to do her in front of you might be more of a challenge.

One thing’s for sure. You definitely have a size fixation, if not fetish, when it comes to your own dick and the ones you fantasize about seeing your wife with. I hate to break it to you, but even if 99.99 per cent of men would be in heaven if they had a penis your size, not every gal likes a cervix hammering every time they have intercourse.

Dear Josey,

I recently bought my wife a rubber vibrator, which she is enjoying a lot. But she is concerned about how safe it is and how best to keep it clean. Obviously she could put a condom on it, but that's counterproductive.

Dear CATS,

You’re very sweet to buy your wife a vibrator. Though she is right to be a little concerned. If you're like me, your toys end up under your bed where they end up covered in dust bunnies and who knows what else.

While soap and water can take care of most of what your vibrator gets into, jelly-like rubber is the most porous sex-toy material and, after a while, even soap and water can't get it totally clean. Unlike silicone toys, you can't boil rubber or toss it in the dishwasher to sterilize it. Cleaning it with hydrogen peroxide will help but ultimately, you’ll eventually have to replace the thing.

Some rubber toys contain phthalates, a chemical also used in children’s rubber chew toys that got everyone in a flap a few years back for its potentially harmful side effects. The jury’s still out on how harmful they are, but if you want to play it safe, a new rubber sex-toy material call Elastomer doesn’t contain phthalates.

By the way, how is covering a toy with a condom counterproductive? It’s just another layer of rubber.

Avoid the rubber issue entirely by getting yourself a 24-karat gold water-resistant Little Gold vibrator (CDN $325). Designed by Herman Miller (he’s worked with Nike and Motorola), it lasts up to 16 hours on a single battery!

Or, if you’re looking for intelligence and good looks in a vibe, try the Je Joue (CDN $350). Its microchip remembers your favourite moves and it features Pleasurewave technology so you can download various vibration patterns or upload your favourites to share with friends, lovers and strangers.

If it’s good enough for Kate Moss, it’s good enough for the rest of us. Both vibes are available through comeasyouare.com.