| In one short sentence, Dan, a minor hockey coach, summarizes the feelings of thousands of coaches across the country, regardless of sport. His year-end speech to a team of 14-year-olds is laced with humour, praise and the blunt truth.
The speech goes something like this: "We had a good year this year. You showed lots of improvement, we all learned a few things, we had a few laughs and lots of fun. I hope to see you next season. Just don’t bring your parents."
Ask anyone who’s coached a minor sport team and without question, they’ll all say the same thing – the kids are great, it’s the parents who are the problem. And unfortunately, it’s only a small percentage of parents, too. The majority are truly supportive of the coaching staff, the sport association and the team, but it’s the tiny minority who believe their kid is being singled out, misdirected and unappreciated for his/her "big league" talent that cause the problems.
Oh yeah, let’s not forget the parents who constantly and openly undermine the coach at every opportunity by questioning every decision, or telling their kid to do something completely opposite of what the coach asks.
Lawrence, a local teacher and father, coaches his own kids in their community sports, in addition to coaching teams at school. Coaching the school kids is a thousand times easier for several reasons, he says.
First, because of the teacher-student relationship, Lawrence says there is some modicum of respect between him as the coach and the kids as student athletes. Secondly, he says because there is likely a rapport already established with some of the athletes prior to the sporting season, building the coach-athlete relationship is automatically faster than coaching community kids with an unknown history or background.
Unquestionably, though, Lawrence says the best part about coaching in the school is lack of parental involvement. Sure, parents are there to cheer on their kids or drive them home from games, but because the games and leagues are organized through the school athletic associations, the majority of parents are out of the equation. Most importantly, they’re out of the coaches’ hair.
Now, this isn’t to say every parent who complains to a coach is unreasonable. All just want what they believe is best for their kid. Nor does this imply there aren’t bad and terrible coaches out there who deserve any and all grief parents, players and sporting associations throw at them.
The fact remains, though, the majority of coaches need a little help. They are simply volunteers doing their best to ensure kids in their community get some guidance and have an opportunity for fun, learning and exercise.
The Coaching Association of Canada says disgruntled coaches looking for support dealing with poison parents often ask for advice. "We do receive complaints and we always try to urge the coach to deal directly with the club to resolve conflicts," says Julie Tam, director of communications with the national coaching association.
"It’s our goal to support the volunteer coach, and we understand that dealing effectively with parents is an important part of coaching. While we don’t have any specific materials available right now, we hope to produce some in the future."
Some sporting associations recognize the problems the few poison parents cause. In 2003-04, Hockey Canada produced a series of videos showing parents embarrassingly pushing their kid to succeed in games such as pin the tail on the donkey. While directed more to protect kids from overly aggressive parents, these videos may have also aided a few coaches. Still, more needs to be done.
So, before coaching and athletic associations require parents to sign "behaviour at its best" waivers, you poison parents should pull your head out and show a little respect. |
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