| The discussion went from the practicality of fake nipples ("I’d be worried they’d slip and end up stuck to my face," said one woman) to the Keeper, a reusable rubber cup inserted to catch a woman’s menstrual blood. And that was in the first five minutes.
Ya gotta love women. Some of this lot had never even met.
But the 13 women who were at my house for a G-spot workshop weren’t exactly reserved.
That said, while workshop leader Tara McKee offers a get-nekkid version, we all agreed to keep our clothes on.
As I said in my e-mail invite: "I’m not sure how comfy all of you are sticking your fingers up your twats in front of each other but because some women don’t know each other, I suggest we go with the no-nudity version."
So, while the workshop was called, "Let it Go, Let it Flow," the only thing that flowed was about a case of wine.
Once the discussion of vaginal accoutrements wrapped up and introductions were made (yes, in that order), McKee quieted us down enough to get started.
First question: "Why are you here?"
Answers ran the gamut:
"I ejaculated once but I was stoned and the guy thought I’d peed on him."
"I was married for 10 years and never had an orgasm. Then, with my first partner after I left my husband, I sprayed like a cat. But I can’t do it myself."
"I’ve had boyfriends poking, prodding, unable to find my G-spot. Maybe I lost it somewhere."
"I’m convinced I don’t have one."
"All women have a G-spot," McKee tells us. "Our anatomy is similar – how it responds is not."
As for where it is, McKee uses a Vulva Puppet (that definitely doesn’t look like any vulvas I’ve seen) to show us that the G-spot is about a knuckle’s length inside on the upper inside wall of the vagina.
"It feels like corduroy," she explains.
"Oh, that’s normal?!" cries one woman.
Another mystery solved.
While we’re at it, the G in G-spot comes from Dr. Ernst Grafenburg, the dude credited with "discovering it" in the ’50s, though we all decided it should stand for "good spot" instead.
"I’ve found it before but nothing happened," one woman pipes up.
"Like your clitoris, it’s not a button you just push and get an orgasm," says McKee. "It needs to be coaxed and teased."
And it’s actually more like a tube around your urethra than a button, she adds.
"A lot of women are told to pee after sex to avoid bladder infections," says McKee, "but you’ll notice sometimes you can’t. That’s because the G-spot is swelling around your urethra and pressing it closed. It’s like a guy trying to pee with a hard-on.
"So I do have one!" exclaims one woman, who’d tried to follow her doctor’s advice to pee after sex and found she couldn’t.
"So if I don’t ejaculate, does the fluid stay inside me," asks one woman.
Since most of us aren’t walking around with a big sack of ejaculate between our legs, that’d be a "no." Just like guys who get aroused and don’t come, the fluid is reabsorbed back into our system and peed out, explains McKee.
As for the whole concern about "peeing the bed," McKee advises you pee before you have sex.
"That way if you feel the urge during sex, you know it’s your G-spot filling and swelling and you can push out without worrying you’ll pee," she explains.
To demonstrate, McKee pops in Deborah Sundahl’s video How to Female Ejaculate.
Once we get over Sundahl’s crazy ’80s hair and padded shoulder blazer ("Wait till you see her pubic hair," laughs McKee), a push of the speculum and a pushing out of her vagina elicits a collective "Whoooa!" as Sundahl’s G-spot takes full frame.
The room falls silent while we watch Sundahl stimulate herself until she erupts and we erupt as if we’re watching the hockey game: "She shoots. She scores!"
Then McKee offers tips on how we can "score" too. During intercourse, shorter thrusts just at entrance of vagina will cause more G-spot stimulation, for example.
"Tell him to visualize a bull’s-eye where G-spot is," she suggests. "The image helps him focus away from deep thrusting."
A penis that curves up helps. So does a curved G-spot toy.
Penetration from behind is good because his penis hits the front wall of your vagina, as long as you elevate your bum so he’s pointing down, away from your spine.
Woman on top is also good because she controls his thrusts and he gets extra stimulation from her bumpy G-spot if she keeps the thrusts shallow and slow.
The three-hour workshop was enlightening and fun, but in the end, at least one woman wants to know if the G-spot lives up to its hype.
"Is it just because it’s novel and rare that there is such a fascination with it?" she asks.
McKee explains that it’s not about the goal of achieving a G-spot orgasm, but getting to know your body and empowering yourself.
"Especially when the porn industry perpetuates the idea that ‘if he pumps me really hard, I’ll come,’ which, of course, we don’t [and neither do the girls in these films because they’re often faking it] and end up feeling inadequate."
Or you have women telling their doctor they peed during orgasm and, next thing you know, he’s shaving or sewing up her urethral sponge.
"It’s happened," warns McKee.
McKee says she teaches women about their G-spot not because it’s a "better way to come, but another way."
As one woman in the workshop put it:
"Bottom line, if I have an orgasm, whatever way, it’s all good!" |
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