| Remember the good old days of dating? You picked up someone in a bar, went home with him and decided the next day if you actually wanted to date. Or, if you were feeling ambitious, you agreed to date a friend of a friend who was reeeeeally nice and would be purrrfect for you. Which he wasn’t, of course. But at least you tried. Then you picked someone up in a bar….
These days, you have to enrol in dating boot camps, consult scientific advisers and keep track of all your action in your computerized dating organizer.
I mean, whatever happened to just going for coffee?
Heck, even speed dating seems comparatively quaint.
Now, you practically need a rocket science degree to get a gal to meet your glance across the room – if you believe the folks who are trying to sucker you, I mean, help you meet the guy or gal of your dreams.
Like this "Mystery" dude. I’m not sure who decided this, but apparently he’s considered to be "the world’s most foremost expert in the art and science of social dynamics" and, according to his website (mysterymethod.com), The Mystery Method (trademarked, of course) is "a practical, field-tested method that allows men from any background to meet, attract and build relationships with exceptional women of extraordinary beauty and quality."
For a mere $2,400, you can attend a three-day "comprehensive boot camp" (or get the "Encyclopedia five-DVD set for only $294) that will teach you how to "put women under your spell" with things like the "indirect game," "canned material" and the "hoop theory," and useful tactics such as the "Neg" and the "three-second rule."
Sounds mysterious all right.
But dating isn’t simply becoming more, um, academic – it’s also getting more high-tech.
"Hooking up with any chick, anytime, anywhere! Such is the power of a man equipped with the right technology…. And that technology is GirlFriend X!"
That’s right, for a mere $19.95 a month, you can subscribe to the GirlFriend X software (girlfriendx.com), which can help track your online dating, ("If you have too many chicks on the line, our proprietary Yield Calculator will suggest who gets the boot and tell you who’s providing the booty!"), tailor date ideas to each girl’s interests, and send e-mails, poems and reminders to send gifts to the right girls at the right time. All with the assistance of your GFX Wingman, of course, which syncs Girlfriend X software to your pocket PC or Palm Pilot so you can "make your moves on the move."
Seem a little cold? If you’re looking for a more human touch in your dating technology, for the same price as Girlfriend X, you can get a monthly subscription to econfidant.com and have all your dating dilemmas and questions answered by a real humanoid within 24 hours. Not so handy if you’re in the middle of a date and trying to decide whether you should kiss her or not, but, hey, it’s still better than having to figure this stuff out using old-fashioned methods like common sense, isn’t it?
Of course, why use common sense when a video game can teach you all the right moves? Games like Sims: Hot Date and Singles: Flirt Up Your Life can help you brush up on all your best moves and possibly improve your joystick action.
Not only is dating getting more high-tech, but it’s also getting more scientific. My favourite anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher, was recently named the Chief Scientific Officer at match.com’s very scientific sounding new dating site, chemistry.com, whose slogan is: "Putting a little science into the search for Mr. or Mrs. Right."
What is the very "scientific" secret behind their very serious sounding "patent-pending system"? Why, "Helping America’s 89 Million Singles Spend Less Time Online and More Time Face to Face," of course.
That’s right. No encyclopedias, video games or Wingman gadgets. Just actually meeting someone… in person? Wow. Now that is some serious science. Let’s hope they get that patent.
Yes, finding and dating people you actually like can feel like a mystery sometimes. And we’re all searching for ways to crack it.
But, while I’m all about being open to new possibilities and meeting people anyway, anyhow, making people believe they simply need to unlock a scientific formula to get a date or put a woman under a spell to get into her pants is just depressing.
If you really want to get scientific about meeting people, consider this piece of data from a recent Elle magazine article entitled "How to Be Single."
"In 1995, statisticians projected that about 88 per cent of American women of our generation would marry at least once. Basically, if marriage were a deadly disease, your chances of catching it would be terrifying."
So relax and put down the gadgets and the magic wands. I’m not saying that everyone wants to get married, but if you really want to meet someone and fall in love, your number will eventually come up.
It’s a scientific fact.
More Wacky Science
Before they came out with Viagra, 21 per cent of men suffered from erectile dysfunction. Comparatively, 43 per cent of women are non-orgasmic or will be for a significant period of their lives. And what are we doing about it? Well, The O Tapes is at least letting women talk about it candidly. Toronto sex shop Good For Her describes the documentary as "the absolute best we’ve seen on the topic of female sexuality and orgasm." For more info, go to goodforher.com.
The Secret’s Almost Out!
Made In Secret: The Story of the East Van Porn Collective is a brilliant, multi-layered "documentary" that has you questioning your beliefs about sex, porn, representation and whether one can really make such a thing as "smart" porn. To order your copy, go to www.onetinywhale.com. |
Copyright ©2006 FFWD. All rights reserved.