| As a child I was subjected to the disturbing realm of studio portraits. Despite being enthralled by the crazy-ass setups the photographer had – I mean, where else can you see a fish pond, train set and castle motif in the same room? – I didn't really enjoy it. The end result was always a photo that made me look angelic despite the fact that 666 was clearly visible through my sparse crown of hair.
And the clothes. Oh dear God, the clothes. Sewing and crochet was so popular back then. I remember my mother poring through all the patterns at Sears with great enthusiasm while I envisioned what seemed like hours of standing around while pins were pushed dangerously close to my skin. I've held contempt for those little packets of creative hell ever since – that is, until I found a way to ease my fear by ridiculing them.
At threadbared.com, they may hold the patterns in a more favourable light, but they show no mercy when it comes to criticizing the poorly rendered illustrations on the front or the demented models adorned in various knitted items. In the words of Mary Watkins and Kimberly Wren, the creators of the site, "We combined our fondness for vintage sewing patterns with our need to be bitchy and mean and cruel." With patterns from the 1940s to the 1980s, there's a wide range of offensive fashion just waiting for malicious criticism. The subsection on crafts is not to be missed, with its disturbingly large gallery of clown projects and their relevancy for expectant mothers. The haiku tribute to tuques is classic.
Oh, big noggin dork
Pom poms do you no favours
Did you make that crap? |
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