| My Messy Bedroom readers are probably more liberal (and perverted) than your average folk, so some of these results didn’t surprise me. Even still, MMB’s "Every-11-Years Sex Survey" uncovered a few surprises, provoked some amusing commentary and revealed some wacky sexual goings on (some involving bicycles and ruffled skirts). Here goes:
The Vitals:
· Male: 46.4%; Female: 51.8%; In Between: 1.8%
· Straight: 60.7%; Gay: 3.6%; In Between: 35.7% (a few respondents identified as "straight" despite having had a "few" homosexual encounters or the fact that "she-male porn turns me on")
· Under 25: 36.4%; 25-40: 45.5%; 40+: 18.1%
· Single: 29%; In a Relationship: 40%; Married or Common-Law: 25.5%; Polyamourous or in multiple relationships: 5.5%
The Results:
· More than 75% of men and just over 72% of women said they had their first orgasm by age 16 (the youngest being 13 for men and nine for women). Of the female respondents, 6.9% are still waiting.
· More than half of both men and women said they’re satisfied with their sex lives, though there were a lot of qualifying "I guesses" and "somewhats" in the answers as well as a few wise guys who indicated that they were happy with their sex life… with themselves, and another guy who says, "It could be worse, I could be incarcerated!" More than a third of men and just over 20% of women, however, said they are not satisfied, while 12% of men and 24% of women said, "What sex life?"
· Threesomes were definitely the kinky pleasure most men and women haven’t tried but would like to (men slightly more than women), followed by fetish play for women and Tantric sex for men (could it be our boys are getting more sensitive or just hankering for those multi-orgasms they keep reading about?). Role-playing came in last for men and women. About 7% of men and women have "tried ’em all," while another 7% aren’t interested in trying any.
· How’s this for surprising? More than 90% of men said they’ve "always used porn" with a few saying they "used to, but don’t anymore," but none said they hate it. Actually, what was surprising was that 75% of women said they’ve "always used porn" (so much for that stereotype) while only about 10% of women said they hate it.
· And yes, more than a third of the women who responded upheld the stereotype by saying their preferred porn is "erotic stories," but 50% (equal to the number of men) said they prefer video and DVDs. So much for women being less "visually" stimulated. And despite all the talk about how we’re turning into Internet porn junkies, just over a third of men and only about 7% of women said that’s where they get their fix.
· Some of their favourite websites? Men: purextc.com; assparade.com; sexygrappling.com/indexa.htm; osaka69.com; livejournal.com; pantyhosepix.com/picpost.shtml; hour.ca/columns/messybedroom.aspx; flashyourrack.com; sublimedirectory.com ("it’s free!"); mostbeautifulman.com (gay site); bisexual.dk. Women: Not surprisingly, a lot of women said they simply didn’t have one, but some of the faves were suicidegirls.com, darkgarden.com, literotica.com, tiavi.com, "the ones with free porn," the MMB lounge at joseyvogels.com, clitical.com, bondage.com and fuckingmachines.com.
· Both men and women were very open-minded about women and men who sleep with someone on a first date. Men didn’t consider either to be a slut while a few women said she was a slut, but – payback time, boys – even more women said he was. One guy added his own answer, joking that, "A guy who sleeps with a woman on their first date is e) straight," while many women chose two answers, saying that the woman was a) a slut and d) that is fine by me.
· Only about 4% of men said the woman wouldn’t hear from the guy again ("especially if she sucks in bed," says one wise guy), while almost 25% of women knew the score. Only 7% of women said a guy wouldn’t hear from a woman he slept with on the first date.
· When it comes to oral sex, men are clearly feeling generous, with more than 70% of them saying they prefer to give than receive, while women were evenly split. And yes, of course most of us like giving and receiving but that wasn’t the question for the 11% of you who answered "both."
· Most men and women enjoyed anal sex on occasion, with straight men being slightly more enthusiastic than women (of course, I didn’t specify if the men would be giving or receiving on this one). Almost a quarter of you haven’t tried it.
· Most of you said paying for sex was "fine, but not your thing," with less than 10% (slightly more women than men) saying it was immoral, while almost 5% of you created your own answer saying it was "pathetic."
· Casual sex is "fun" for most of you, though more women (almost 25% compared to 8% of men) said it wasn’t worth the effort. About 15% of you have never had it.
· Almost a third of male respondents and about 20% of female respondents said you’d have sex on the Internet for free! No women and only a handful of men would do it for $100 or even $1,000, but many of you were willing to set your own price, saying you’d do it for anywhere from $1 million to a very precise $257,987.99. One gal says she’d do it for the down payment on a house while 15% of men and over 30% of women said no amount of money would convince them.
· Lots of you have been asked to do some crazy shit by a partner, like "choke her," "shave his ass," "piss on him," "step on his genitals with boots," "call her ‘mommy,’" "use a knife on her… creepy," "let him fuck me with his big toe," "masturbate in front of a guy in a coffee shop to show off how quickly I could come," "nostril fucking (and I couldn’t figure out if he was joking or not, ’cause he brought it up a lot)," "beat him with a Swastika while he talked baby talk to me" (she made him leave), "come on a painting he’d made (he did, I didn’t)," "put a paper towel roll inside of me," and "insist I bike to his place every day for a whole summer wearing the exact same knee-length ruffled skirt."
· Churches ("I lost my virginity on the altar of my childhood church," answered one woman) and cemeteries seem to be high on the list of crazy places to have sex. As do cars ("back of a Ford Explorer on 11th Ave in Calgary" or "in a car in the middle of a busy street in downtown Montreal"), trains, buses, backs of cabs and anything near water (waterfalls, beaches, bathroom stalls, water filtration plants). Physically challenging yourselves is also popular, be it sex outside when its -25 C, oral sex on a dance floor or at work, during work, in the boss’s office (but not with your boss) or in an armoire on display at IKEA.
· The best thing about your sex life so far? "It hasn't harmed anyone," "still getting erect at 63," "that it’s great all the time," "the few orgasms I've had when I ejaculated so much the bed was soaking wet," "that I’ve never had a guy that wouldn't go down," "that I’m 25 and it feels soooo much better," "partners who loved me and wanted me to feel good," "the wild variety, adventure and willingness to try anything at least once," "that I have one," "that I won’t die a virgin," and "the blowjobs" (clearly not one of our "givers").
· What would you like to change? "I would like to have sex... with someone besides myself," "to feel better about my body," "more craziness," "I'd like to have more plain old ordinary sex with my primary partner," "not be reliant on Viagra," "I wish I could come," "more blow jobs" (yeah, same guy) and "nothing."
· Who do you want to sleep with, living or dead? Aside from the usual Angelinas, Brads, Marilyns and Sophia Lorens, the most unusual in this category had to be Cleopatra ("Just to see if that whole war thing was worth it..."), a young Julie Andrews ("I need a spoonful o’ shuga!"), the Virgin Mary, Jesus and Hitler ("I would give him a right good ass-fucking... with no lube"). Several of you want to sleep with me (very sweet). And who knew, Mr. Blowjob has a romantic side: "My girlfriend is the only one I want, and hopefully ever will."
Thanks everyone. And check out our new Featured Guest Column at joseyvogels.com. Globe and Mail columnist Russell Smith writes about the Supreme Court ruling to legalize swingers’ clubs. Even the Globe wouldn’t publish it! If you’d like to submit a column or opinion or short fiction piece (under 1,000 words), send them to admin@joseyvogels.com. |
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