>>REVIEW
JUST FRIENDS
STARRING Ryan Reynolds, Amy Smart and Chris Klein
DIRECTED BY Roger Kumble
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In theory, I ought to have been able to relate easily to Ryan Reynolds’s new comedy, Just Friends. Like its protagonist, I, too, lost nearly 100 pounds after graduating, only to find myself in a brief romantic encounter with the dream-girl who wanted to be "just friends" in high school.
So if you detect any excessive bitterness in this review, it may not be simply the result of director Roger Kumble having made what is very easily one of the worst films of the year. It may be because, in the version of the story that I lived, the girl changed her mind and I got fat again. But I don’t think I’ll be fat for long – while watching the movie, I began making a mental list of weight-loss strategies that would be less painful and more pleasant than watching Just Friends. I started out with Pilates and Stairmaster and, by the time of the closing credits, had reached stomach stapling and bulimia.
But there was an upside to Just Friends, too. For a moment, it let me forget how much fatter I am than everybody else, and let me concentrate instead on how much smarter I am than everybody else. Everybody, at least, who was present at the screening, laughing uproariously at a vulgar, inchoate, strangely violent script that makes the Farrelly Brothers look like Chekhov.
Reynolds plays Chris Brander. Chris was fat in high school, and had awkward curly hair and wore a retainer and sang along to "I Swear" by All 4 One (in case an actor in a Shallow Hal fat suit wasn’t enough of a throwback for you). Most importantly, Chris was in love with Jamie Palamino (Amy Smart), a beautiful girl who relegated him to the "friend zone" – leading, as you can imagine, to some brilliantly original observations about how much it sucks to be friends with a girl instead of sleeping with her. Where do they come up with material this fresh? And while we’re on the subject, what part of the chicken is the McNugget? Am I right, people?
Ten years after his rejection, Chris is thin and suave, working as a music executive in Los Angeles, far from the New Jersey of his fat, unloved past. He’s a real womanizer, with incredible material wealth – which leads us to believe that his life is shallow and unfulfilled. We know that he’s changed drastically from his former self, because he now snobbishly refuses to eat foot-high stacks of pancakes covered with chocolate and whipped cream, like he used to. But it doesn’t matter, because he’ll never accidentally end up back in New Jersey to have that sleek superficiality challenged by a quest to requite his long-lost love for Jamie – or will he?
Chris finds himself in Jersey for Christmas, in fact, accompanied by an obnoxious Ashlee Simpson carbon copy, Samantha James (Anna Faris, in one of the most misogynist movie roles produced by Hollywood in years). Once there, he competes with another nerd-cum-hottie for Jamie’s affections, Dusty Lee (played by Chris Klein). Chris is at a distinct disadvantage, because Dusty seems completely perfect – perhaps even too good to be true.
Just Friends is straight formula, remarkable only insofar as it is a romantic comedy without so much as one likable character. Not until the very last line did I even crack a smile – I had been convinced, until then, that I’d have to wait until I was on the sidewalk, cracking pavement. After all, I’ve got more chins than a Chinese phone book. If that last joke strikes you as trite, tired and unfunny, then I have succeeded in transmitting the Just Friends experience. |
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