| Wet slobbery kisses may be the key to seduce a young woman’s heart. Mine was won last summer while innocently walking along the Elbow River. Here, I was knocked over by an overzealous Bouvier, the furry friend of a striking stranger. As its relentless pink tongue bombarded my face, I became the next victim of the doggie dating system.
Whether it’s a Bouvier or a Dachshund, pups seem to have an irresistible way of bringing people together. People all across Canada are obsessed with these flea ridden, vet-bill inducing, slobbery canines. There are more than five million dogs across the country, with over 90,000 in Calgary alone. Dogs perform all sorts of societal tasks, such as substance detection, search and rescue and physical assistance. But the role dogs play in our lives has dramatically changed from primarily work dogs to sweater-adorning, pedicure-flaunting, personal accessories. Are we going overboard by transferring our vanity to our pets, or are we just having fun imparting good style onto our hairier family members? Perhaps we are treating our dogs with a new level of attention because we lack something in our own lives.
The locally run Hiphounds company has replaced the age-old Tupperware party with a PupperWear party. Gucci sells an outlandish goat-hair dog bed for $2,195 US. Local hound hotels offer massage and aromatherapy services for your pet. I wonder if they include "bacon" and "cat" in their options of scents? I can see Fido now, with his sensitive sense of smell, locked in a room with force-ventilated fish fumes. You want to treat your pet right, as they are the newest trend in expanding your social circle.
Brina, 24, who walks her Wheaten terrier in Killarney, confesses, "I was awfully lonely before I got Spud. Mom always said it was just a matter of time – I’d meet someone. But I was dateless for years. I had heard of the doggie dating circuit and was naturally curious, but didn’t know how to get into it. I got Spud and sure enough, it worked. Spud here, he jumped the neighbour’s fence and went after their caged rabbit. Poor Roger was in such despair when I rang his doorbell, mangled rabbit in hand, that I had no choice but to comfort him. Two years later, we’re happily married – even nicknamed our first kid Tater-tot ’cause it was Spud who brought us together."
Brina’s not alone in her doggie dating success. Hank, a 42-year-old hip-neck (trendy redneck) from Springbank isn’t quite ready to settle down yet. "Li’l doggies are the best way to reel in the ladies. You just go out and set a hound on a pretty li’l gal in a white skirt. Dive in at the last moment between the beast and the woman and you’re a right hero. I say I wrangle half a dozen lasses a week. And my numbers just keep gettin' better."
Whether you’re buying a fur-ball to provide companionship or to help you find a companion, it will inevitably help you interact with the real world while providing an emotional support.
"It could be that given delays in childbirth, in marriage and, perhaps, in cohabitation, all signs simultaneously of gains in women’s rights and delayed adolescence, that people are buying dogs," says sociologist Dr. Sean Hier. "It may be that dogs fill in for kids or that they fill in for lovers, partners or companions."
Hey, dogs are cheaper than a mail-order husband and don’t ignore you when sports are on television.
However, Dr. Hier reminds us not to mistake our pets for an appliance. In many ways, dogs are more evolved than the average human (although sometimes it’s hard to take advice from someone who sniffs your crotch and licks your gym runners). They have an amazing ability to befriend other dogs no matter their breed type or appearance. Pups are able to forget the stress of that claw-bearing cat at home and relax. They don’t need drugs or money to get a high, a simple roll in the mud will do. If their girlfriend terminates their relationship when a cute poodle moves in across the street, they growl, maybe bark, and get over it. And above all, dogs are incredibly loyal to the hand that feeds them.
Dogs also provide instant conversation whenever social situations become awkward. Lynn Barton of Chasin’ Tails Dog Care Center suggests canines are a safe subject. "We have parents that come to meet us at the daycare and they mumble from shyness. The moment we ask them a question about their dog, their eyes light up and they answer every question with confidence. It’s amazing to watch the transformation, for sure," she says.
Shedding aside, it’s undeniable what dogs add to our lives. Rare is the doggie walk that I don’t engage in a conversation with a stranger as a direct result of the pooch attached to my leash. And I’m not alone – somehow, when you have a dog at your feet, talking to new people is simply more socially acceptable.
It’s true – our canine friends have become a vehicle for human interaction in a world that is rapidly becoming dehumanized. They’ve shown us that it’s OK to talk to strangers. That’s the only way they can become our friends. So head out to your local pound or borrow a friend’s hairy mutt – just dognap yourself one of those perky pooches. You never know what may happen next.
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Although Brina and Hank have had extraordinary luck in the romance department, for the average person seeking that perfect mate, I suggest following some simple doggie dating etiquette:
· Acquire a dog. It’s important you pick a dog that’s appropriate for your needs. If you’re looking for a quick fling and aren’t a dedicated dog dater, I suggest you get a dog on loan. Walk a dog for a senior – you’re doing something charitable and you get the benefits. If you’re in it for the long haul, consider the breed of the dog carefully. People are often attracted to dogs that reflect their personality or showcase a trait they like: "Ahh, look at that man with the Teacup Chihuahua. He must be so sensitive." Or, "Wow, what a nice Burmese Mountain dog. She must be the outdoorsy type." Remember: your dog is your agent.
· Dress for success. A variety of designer doggie collars, sweaters and outfits are available to attract the white-collar crowd. T-shirts and bandanas are a good bet for those seeking the down-to-earth type.
Pick your park. Where you walk will help determine your mate’s personality. If you want an introvert, walk your dog on leash. For an extrovert, I suggest Nose Hill Park, the largest off-leash area in the city. If you’re a "people person," perhaps a stroll with your pooch down 17th Avenue S.W. is in order.
· Only date people who pick up after their dogs. Non pooper-scoopers are bad news.
Follow these rules and you’ll be going doggie style in no time. After all, if it hadn’t been for Drew’s scraggly Bouvier, I’d still be hanging out in the produce aisle. I’ve often thought extreme situations allow you to dig up romantic opportunities, and this was the case that autumn morning by the Elbow River. Laughing, Drew pulled his slobbering hound from my face and graciously offered me the back of his sleeve to dry myself. It turned out that the two of them had come down to the river for a swim. Drew had even invested in a four-legged wetsuit to enhance his pooch’s buoyancy in the rapids. As we stuffed his beloved mutt in the wetsuit, we fell head-over-paws in love. |
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