>>PREVIEW
SLURPEE CUP
Ball Hockey Tournament
Saturday, August 20
Tennis Courts at the University of Calgary
Afterparty featuring The Summerlad, The Rocky Fortune and Hot Awesome
Saturday, August 20
Broken City
By this point, hockey fans are getting pretty twitchy. After the much-publicized NHL lockout, puck lovers have had to get their fix wherever they could. Until regular season games start up again in the fall, those with the jones can take in the eighth annual Slurpee Cup.
For this charity ball hockey tournament, local bands, nightclubs and media outlets come out of their dark, cramped quarters for an afternoon of huffing, puffing and unbridled competitive drive. With three rinks running simultaneously, 24 teams will battle for supremacy and the coveted Slurpee Cup.
To get you in the spirit, Fast Forward has turned the spotlight on three returning teams and their all-star players, so that you will know what to expect on the "ice" and who (if anyone) you should bet on.
RAMIN "REY REY THE REVOLVER" YAZDI
Team: CJSW B team.
Team motto: We’ll take your breath away… if you let us.
Position: Team guru and dietitian.
Age: Older than that Gilmore girl, younger than her mom.
Height: Yes.
Weight: No.
Years involved in Slurpee Cup: 17 minus the labour dispute of ’93.
Prediction for Slurpee Cup outcome: BeatRoute will fall victim like a barn mouse to the bird of prey that is CJSW. And then we will howl at the moon like wild beasts. We also plan to beat The Hifi Club, Broken City, The Ship & Anchor, Clitasaurus, Fast Forward, The Rocky Fortune, The Summerlad, The Flames and the CJSW A team… all at the same time.
Slurpee Cup highlight: Half-time entertainment provided by The Soggy Bottom B-boyz all the way from Costa Rica, sponsored by NASCAR Mexico – I think.
Team you least want to meet in the finals: CJSW A team. I hear they be good.
Personal philosophy: Pain is lame but healing is feeling. Wahhhhh!!
Secret weapon: Dan "Word" Krut
Sports icon you most resemble: Magic Johnson and Adele Brunnhofer
Post-game beverage of choice: Hey, what’s this event called? Yeah, that’s right: Red Bull Cup – I plan to have three before each game!
Any advice for the other teams?: Don’t even bother showing up, but if you do wear light colours and accessories.
LIZ "LIZBOT" COLLINS
Team: Clitasaurus.
Team motto: Weapons of mass distraction.
Position: All of them.
Age: 21.
Height: 5'9".
Weight: A lady never tells.
Years involved in Slurpee Cup: Three.
Prediction for Slurpee Cup outcome: Bruises, pulled muscles and perhaps a scraped knee.
Slurpee Cup highlight: Making it in to the semifinals.
Team you least want to meet in the finals: The Fight Gallery.
Personal philosophy: Be awesome.
Secret weapon: Handcuffs.
Sports Icon you most resemble: Tonya Harding.
Post-game beverage of choice: Gin and tonic.
Any advice for the other teams?: Watch your balls!
PETE "GUMP" HARRIS
Team: CSIF.
Team motto: Gonzo.
Position: Goalkeeper.
Age: Johhny Bower-ish.
Height: Yes.
Weight: Before or after pre-game pizza?
Years involved in Slurpee Cup: Eight.
Prediction for Slurpee Cup outcome: Everyone wins.
Slurpee Cup highlight: Playing with nephews.
Team you least want to meet in the finals: ’67 Leafs.
Personal philosophy: The Leafs will win it this year.
Secret weapon: Belly flop.
Sports icon you most resemble: Cliff Thorburn.
Post-game beverage of choice: Mekong whisky.
Any advice for the other teams?: Keep the tank half-full.
The cold, hard truth about home-style Slurpee machines
As the Slurpee Cup hockey tournament approaches, the usually deskbound staff of Fast Forward magazine figured that we had better get ourselves in gear. But let’s face it, no ordinary training regimen would do. Since endurance tests and agility trials were out of the question, we decided to do the next best thing. 7-Eleven now offers a consumer-grade Slurpee machine and we figured that test-driving it would be the best way to get our heads into the game.
For $49.95 (plus the cost of supplies including salt, ice, four C batteries and your beverage of choice) you can bring the Slurpee experience home. This plastic tabletop model had some of the hard-core frozen beverage addicts in the office feeling a little skeptical, but as with any good scientific experiment, it’s important to keep an open mind.
The homemade Slurpee requires quite a bit of time – it’s not a matter of just pulling the handle and filling the cup. You have to smash ice cubes into little bits and then put them into a metal canister that will stick to your fingers like lips on winter fence posts if you don’t wear oven mitts or some other hand protection.
Then you pour in your beverage and what you choose is important. Even though the tabletop model bears the Slurpee emblem, using Coke won’t get you a 7-Eleven store-quality Coke Slurpee. Cola and root beer usually come out wetter, kind of like a Mac’s Froster.
The other thing to keep in mind is that the machine makes Slurpees in rather small portions. The instruction manual recommends using 355 ml at a time and any more fluid than that will prevent the beverage from freezing. This can be frustrating for those who are used to the larger sizes, but for lightweights the tabletop model will do the trick.
Despite the labour-intensive nature of the device and the not-so-authentic performance of the machine, the home-Slurpee maker does have some advantages. While the tried-and-true 7-Eleven favourites might not come out like those bought at the store, the machine offers the opportunity for flavours not found there. We found that orange juice not only had great mouth feel and taste, but also offered a way to make a Slurpee part of your well-balanced breakfast.
In the end, the tabletop model fares well as a toy, as a novelty. It’s perfect for younglings. The battery-powered format means you can take it anywhere. (We are thinking of taking ours to company parties.) However, consistent use would require some serious spending on those massive C batteries. It’s probably more economical to walk to the local 7-Eleven and get the real thing.
After all, it’s only 99 cents for a refill. |
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