| I've never met an orgasm I didn't like. Sure, maybe I tend to award a little favouritism to the direct, more personal type, but I can usually find it in myself to accept even the most aloof ones, confident that one day they'll cum around.
Yes, from the friendly, outgoing, even boisterous types that march right up and throw themselves at you with vigour and zeal, to the shy, demure types that slink up beside you and catch you by surprise, I enjoy all of their company. They make me laugh, they make me cry, they make me feel relaxed, even guide me to the Lord once in awhile.
I know, some are fussy and require extra attention, while others are completely elusive, but that's part of their charm. If all orgasms were alike, they'd be boring. It'd be like discovering a new computer game. Once you learn all the tricks, the challenge is gone.
But also like a computer game, it's often easier to get to the higher levels when playing by yourself.
Introducing a second player into the picture presents a new element of competition and you suddenly become self-consciously aware of your abilities. Why do you think so many women have no problem masturbating themselves to orgasm, but as soon as they're with someone, that simple but glorious pleasure slinks off into a corner somewhere and waits till he's gone?
The reasons for this are obvious. I'm better at feeding myself and wiping my own bum, too.
You know the feeling, girls. You're lying there, he's eagerly savouring the most intimate of delicacies, you've finally relaxed, convinced that today's menu isn't the seafood surprise, and you start getting into it. Soon your body starts twitching, lovely little rushes surge from your toes to your head, and you can feel your face getting flushed.
All of a sudden, the top of his head reminds you that you must dissolve that hair clump in your bathroom drain. "Noooo! Not now, you think... focus, girl." You try, you try soooo hard.
But it's too late. Your brain takes over. "I'm taking too long. His jaw must be numb. How scrunched up is my face? Do I sound like a bad porn movie? Do I look like a bad porn movie?"
At this point, you might as well forget it. (Who says performance anxiety is a male thing?) These demanding, difficult types are best left alone. It's best to let them sulk for awhile and set out to discover some other sources of pleasure. Guaranteed that pesky little orgasm will soon be screaming for attention again.
Now I happen to be one of that less-than-minor supposed 40 per cent minority of women who requires some sort of direct clitoral stimulation to get off. (By the way, direct does not mean propping up the hood and setting to work. That little protective coating is there for a reason.)
Women's magazines are always telling me to get on top. "It provides more opportunity for manual stimulation," they say. Maybe I'm just unco-ordinated.
And in all the porn mags, couples are always exploding in unison. As far as I'm concerned, simultaneous orgasm is like the rubbing-your-belly-while-patting-your-head thing. Again, maybe I'm a spaz, but I can't do it. To me, orgasms are more like a see-saw. Your partner rides up into the air and you enjoy holding them there, then after awhile you exchange thrills. It's still fun for everyone.
Just as my orgasms can range in intensity from a mere flutter to a raging freight train, so can the reasons for my ability or inability to achieve the big O. If I'm stressed, tired or drunk, forget it.
Sometimes, I'm better off left on my own. Sometimes, I'm better left not getting off.
Still we tend to rely on orgasm as approval – proof that you've had good sex. We want our partner to come, sometimes even more than they do. What can I say? We live in a competitive society, it gives us a sense of achievement.
"Pleasure is more a journey to be savoured than a destination to be reached," I once read. I don’t know about you, but I love travelling.
Contact Josey at: letters@joseyvogels.com or visit her website at: www.joseyvogels.com |
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