| I’m a sucker for live-action superhero movies from other countries. Sure Spider-Man (2002) and Hellboy (2004) are great, but give me an imported flick with a budget of $12 and a caped hero I’ve never heard of and I have a hard time resisting. Heck, if Catwoman (2004) was made in Malaysia, I’d probably watch it.
Superheroes are a weird idea to begin with, and when you add culture shock to the mix, the results can be pretty special. We’re all used to seeing animated superheroes, but in a live-action film, we’re not just seeing Captain X fight crime – we’re seeing a fully grown adult dangle from a wire while pretending to fly and deflect bullets. It’s even cooler when you can plainly see the wire, and when the attacking alien hellbeast has a zipper down its back.
This week’s movie is Darna Ang Pagbabalik (a.k.a Darna: The Return)(1994) from the Philippines. I had never heard of superheroine Darna before, but apparently she’s quite famous in her native land, having appeared in comic books, motion pictures and TV series since the 1950s. Darna’s trademark red bikini is remarkably skimpy, and buxom actress Anjanette Abayari looks fantastic in it.
I picked up this VCD for loose change at a Chinese video store’s clearance sale. The audio tracks include the original Tagalog, or dubbed into Mandarin. As I am not proficient in either language, the film’s dialogue was a complete mystery to me. The English subtitles promised on the box were nowhere to be found.
Given my complete inability to decipher what the actors were saying, I thought it best to fast forward through all the scenes that didn’t contain Darna in costume. This turned out to be a pretty good way to enjoy the film, except for one problem – Darna’s barely in this movie for the first 40 minutes or so.
I will say this, though – when Darna does appear, she is hot. Whether she’s having a mid-air wrestling match with a helicopter or just running toward the camera in slow motion, à la Baywatch, Ms. Abayari looks absolutely scrumptious in that tiny halter top. Kids will enjoy watching Darna’s heroics, but their dads will, too.
With her beauty, voluptuous figure and the air of physicality she brings to the action scenes, Abayari seems to be the ideal choice to play Darna. However, she is badly let down by this film’s terrible, terrible special effects – this film contains the single most awkward morph I’ve ever seen. You’d never guess this was made in the ’90s. These effects would have looked bad in an episode of Wonder Woman (1976). Still, if you’re in the right mood for it, that’s part of the fun. Darna can fly, deflect bullets, lift heavy objects and shoot lasers from her eyes, so the crappy special effects come into play a lot.
After my initial Darna-only viewing, I did some research on the character. Then I watched the film again and was better able to follow the story. Apparently, a small round stone containing an alien superbeing once landed on Earth. A young girl named Narda swallowed it and gained the ability to transform into the invincible alien by simply shouting its name, "Darna." In Darna: The Return, we begin with a natural disaster threatening the safety of the inhabitants of Manila. Citizens cry out for Darna’s help, but she’s lost her magic stone and her memory, thanks to a knock on the head. (This is why the first half of the movie is so Darna-free.) Desperate, the people turn to a wacky cult leader named Valentine for spiritual guidance. This fiery guru is secretly the daughter of Darna’s arch-nemesis, Valentina. Both Valentine and Valentina are monsters with snakes for hair, à la Medusa, but Valentine keeps her snakes hidden under a turban that wriggles disconcertingly from time to time, almost as if it contained a puppeteer’s hand.
Eventually, Darna regains her memory and the stone, and springs into action. She rescues a kidnap victim, saves a kid from a time bomb, does loop-the-loops in the air, wrestles a helicopter to the ground, drops a bank robber off a building into a garbage truck, fights a snake, engages Valentine in a mid-air fist fight and whisks away flood waters with a giant water spout. How does she do all this and still manage to stay in her costume?
At an hour and 46 minutes, this film is way too long, and there’s not nearly enough Darna action. The lack of English subtitles will deter all but the most diehard superhero fans. Still, fans of crappy Filipino films, bad special effects, costumed heroines and feminine pulchritude will find lots to like, especially considering the modest price.
Darna: The Return is a sequel to Darna (1991), a successful attempt to bring the classic character back to Filipino movie screens after an absence of many years. Nanette Medved played the bikini-clad avenger that time and looked great in the role, but many fans think she’s since been eclipsed by the bountiful Abayari. Rowrr.
Recommended live-action superhero flicks:
· Infra-Man (1975)
· Silver Hawk (2004)
· Shock! Shock! Shock! (1987)
· Lion Man (1975)
· Danger: Diabolik (1968)
· Dragonball: The Magic Begins (1989)
· I Love Maria (a.k.a. Roboforce) (1988)
· Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter (2001)
· Samson in the Wax Museum (1963)
· The Starman/Spaceman/Super Giant series (1957-1959)
· 3 Mighty Men (a.k.a 3 Dev Adam, a.k.a Captain America and Santo vs. Spider-Man)(1973)
The following films are ones that John would love to see, but hasn’t been able to find yet:
· Three Fantastic Supermen (1967)
· Kekko Kamen parts 1, 2, and 3 (1991, 1992, 1993)
· Judex (1963)
· Cutie Honey (2004)
· Liane, Jungle Goddess (1956)
· Fantastic Argoman (a.k.a The Incredible Paris Incident)(1967)
· Darna (1991) |
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