| Interesting blind characters have been around forever, but in the movies, some blind characters are more "blind" than others. On the one hand, you have amazingly convincing performances, such as Jamie Foxx in Ray (2004), or young Melissa Sue Anderson in Little House on the Prairie. On the other hand, there are the blind movie characters that seem suspiciously sighted or even super-powered. Here’s a brief rundown of characters that hardly seem blind at all. It’s almost enough to make you want to take back your contributions to the Canadian National Institute for the Blind.
· Blindman (1971): Brace yourselves, folks. It’s a western about a blind gunfighter. Tony Anthony plays Blindman, a sightless sharpshooter who drifts into town with his seeing-eye horse, trying to keep tabs on the 50 mail-order brides who have been put into his care. Superpowers include perfect accuracy with a rifle and the ability to tell when there really are 50 women around and not just one really fast woman who can do a lot of different voices. Note the inherent sexism of the script, in which one blind guy looks after 50 women, and not the other way around.
· The Zatoichi films (1962-2003): The unofficial inspiration for Blindman (and for most of the rest of the list, actually), this popular series of movies features a wandering blind masseuse whose sword skills are virtually unbeatable. For some reason, everybody wanted to kill this guy. Gangs of evil swordsmen would usually converge on him in a circle and he’d whip his sword out, whoosh it around once and replace it in his scabbard. After a dramatic pause, all of the bad guys would fall over dead. Audiences loved this kind of thing and the series is now popular on video again thanks to the recent remake starring Takeshi Kitano.
·Crimson Bat, the Blind Swordswoman (1969): A female version of Zatoichi, apparently. I’ve never seen it, but you’ve gotta love that title. Followed by three sequels.
· Yellowbeard (1983): This largely unappreciated pirate spoof boasts an impressive cast of British movie stars and comedians. Watch for John Cleese as Blind Pew, an off-the-wall satire of the Treasure Island character. "Oi may be bloind, but I ’ave acute ’earing," snarls Pew. "I’m not interested in your jewelry." Haw haw. Blind Pew’s hearing is acute, indeed. He can hear the position of a skipping rope lying on the ground. At one point he serves as an "eyewitness" to Yellowbeard’s crimes, reliably informing the police that "He smelled about six-foot-two, 42 years of age…"
· The Village (2004): Bryce Dallas Howard looks absolutely gorgeous in the role of Ivy Walker in this film. You’ll probably be pretty far into the movie before you figure out that she’s supposed to be blind, and by then, you won’t buy it. She makes eye contact with people, raises and lowers her eyelids as a means of expression, understands the concept of colour, runs footraces, is "shown" an important secret and is sent out on an important mission into unknown territory alone and unguided. The screenplay seems to constantly forget that she is blind (except for a few key dramatic moments), so the audience does as well.
And yes, she has superpowers. She can see people’s "auras." That doesn’t explain why she can run like a cheetah through unfamiliar and treacherous terrain or how she can look so hot without preening in front of a mirror for an hour each morning, but there you go.
· House of Flying Daggers (2004): Another blind hottie, this one played by Zhang Ziyi. This Chinese film is made in the "Wuxia" tradition, in which all of the protagonists are capable of breathtaking feats of superhuman agility. As such, not only is Mei blisteringly hot, but she’s just as capable of poetic swordplay and precision knife-throwing as the rest of the cast. She’s a blind dancer (?!) who impresses us early on by beating out drum rhythms with her long sleeves in an elaborate Chinese ceremony that’s akin to the old electronic game Simon. Later, she dodges blows from multiple attackers. Apparently she can hear the difference between a spear whooshing towards her head and one whooshing towards her left kneecap.
· Daredevil (2003): Marvel Comics’ famous blind superhero had to make it on to this list eventually. Of course, he really does have superpowers, conferred upon him by an accident involving a mutagenic compound. Now his "radar sense" shows him exactly where everything is at all times and he can read legal documents by running his fingers over the ink on the paper. Handy for saving money on law books on tape.
· Blind Fury (1989): Rutger Hauer updates Zatoichi as a modern-day Anglo guy blinded in the Vietnam War, who has trained himself in the deadly art of the samurai sword. Jerks who hassle him because of his disability find themselves very, very sorry (and possibly short a few body parts). "I also do circumcisions" he says, smirking, after relieving a loudmouth of his eyebrows. |
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