Review
ALONE IN THE DARK
Starring Christian Slater, Tara Reid and Stephen Dorff
Directed by Uwe Boll
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The only thing scary about Alone in the Dark, the newest film from director Uwe Boll, is trashy nipple-slipper Tara Reid’s turn as archeologist Aline Cedrac. Based on the Atari videogame series of the same name, Alone in the Dark pits paranormal detective Edward Carnby (Christian Slater) against evil demons once worshipped by an ancient culture known as the Abkani. As such, it is naturally a film that requires moviegoers to suspend a certain sense of reality. Unfortunately, director Uwe Boll (whose claim to fame is House of the Dead, also based on a videogame) asks moviegoers to suspend their senses entirely.
Reid, complete with a tight, librarian-esque bun in her hair and dark-framed glasses, is utterly laughable as Carnby’s monster-killing "genius" girlfriend. In any other movie adapted from a comic book or videogame, this would have the potential to turn Alone in the Dark into a decent B movie. However, bad acting on the part of all the lead actors can’t save this utterly random and incoherent script.
Carnby was one of 20 orphans to mysteriously disappear after being unknowingly impregnated with demon parasites 22 years ago. When the 19 others disappear (again!) years later, Carnby learns that Abkani demons are poised to take over the world. A former agent with the government’s paranormal wing, Carnby must also contend with his ornery ex-partner and rival, Richard Burke (Stephen Dorff), who is also trying to stop the demons.
In an attempt to pad the script with detail and seemingly interesting twists and turns (which, surprise, are entirely predictable), Boll misses the proverbial boat. He sacrifices reality for the excuse to blow something up or wreak some sort of lame-o havoc. While being hunted by a human-turned-demon in a taxicab, Carnby tells his driver to turn into the nearby market, where the audience is treated to typical shots of orange-crates flying through the air and market sellers dodging the oncoming cars. Who attempts to lose another vehicle by driving on the crowded sidewalks of a market?
As Boll’s sweeping, slow-mo, 360-degree camera moves try to evoke the feeling of the best-selling videogame that inspired the story, the audience is left to hope that Alone in the Dark is alone in its horrendousness at the box office this year. |
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