| New Year’s is here again. Time to get loose and vomit into each other's mouths and grope strangers' buttoxeses. Leave your dignity in 2004 and press forward into the future with a hangover the size of your regret (man, I'm dark, eh?).
Anyhoo, on New Year’s Eve Chixdiggit are playing with Pussy Monster at Brew Brothers. Who says Calgary bands always break up too soon (besides me a few issues ago)? Chixdiggit have been a cherished local band for over 10 years – I remember having the song "I Wanna Hump You" stuck in my head for my entire senior year of high school. If you weren't able to get tickets for Duran Duran at the Saddledome, this ought to be the next best thing.
There’s big news for the Calgary Philharmonic Chorus (CPO). They have appointed a new resident conductor, Pierre Simard. He starts waving that stick at the beginning of the orchestra’s 2005-2006 season. The current resident conductor, Rosemary Thomson, will remain in her capacity as chorus master of the CPO Chorus and in the 2005-2006 season, she will also guest conduct the CPO's three flagship and most well-attended concerts – the crowd-pleasing "Mozart on the Mountain," "Beethoven in the Badlands," and Axl Rose's "November Rain."
In other exciting news, more two-piece guitar and drum bands have started jamming in their basements. Some of them may or may not feature a "bluesy" sound... Ziiing!! Harmless ribbing aside, there are several advantages to a small band. This spring, Ottawa is to play host to "the very best sights and sounds of Alberta" with the Alberta Scene festival. Perhaps they should change their description to "the most affordable sights and sounds of Alberta." The head of a local label who recently applied for a showcase said they were disappointed to be rejected based on the large membership of a couple of the bands (festivals like this must pay each band member). "Yes, but the band has 5 guys – can't they just be a singer-songwriter?" and, "It's just not economically practical," and, "It's not fiscally responsible," were apparently the arguments brought forth. Having never been in a tiny band myself, I called up ol' Will Schatz from the Hip City Blues Combo (HCBC), a local guitar-drum band for comment.
"We couldn't find a bass player, and we realized that we'd make more money as a two-piece," explains Schatz. "Plus, the guitar player doesn't have to tune to anybody. There are a lot of shitty two-piece bands out there, I feel bad for bands like Whitey Houston from Edmonton. They've been doing the format for a long time and they're really good."
Well, instead of being a part of the problem, The Hip City Blues Combo have decided to be part of the solution. Brew Brothers is holding a "rock off" on New Year’s Day between The HCBC and The Means. The Means used to be a part of the guitar-drum scene as well, but they managed to get out of it by adding Hot Little Rocket's Andrew Wedderburn on organ (they still have no bass player). Bands will trade off song by song. Two men enter, three men leave. The show will be monitored by a "dirty Vince McMahon-esque" referee by the name of Steve Elaschuk… which brings me to my theory.
There is a government conspiracy. Black helicopters are tearing through the night, kidnapping bass players and having them incinerated. The reason? Probably something to do with oil. The only bass player who seems safe is the wily Steve Elaschuk, who has managed to slip through the cracks enough to play bass in almost every band in Calgary (The Neckers, Wagbeard, Field Day, The Daggers, The Earthquake Pills, Fire Engine Red, Thousandsticks, Falconhawk). I asked him how he's managed to stay alive.
"I keep moving," he says. "If they expect me to be at a rock club with The Daggers, I'll be at the disco club with Falconhawk."
Kara Keith, leader of Falconhawk further explains, "Steve Elaschuk is a dark horse. He moves swiftly and silently in the night," she says. "And he wears black."
Hey! How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb? None! The keyboardist can do it with his left hand! Maybe attempts to combat urban sprawl are to blame. Houses turn into condominiums and apartment buildings, and when residents practise their bass playing chops, the sub-frequencies seep through the walls and the floor and cause neighbours to call the cops, which summons the choppers. Personally, I blame Primus.
Happy New Year. Take a cab. |
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