| This week we’ll be taking a look at movie and TV characters that literally talk to a hand. In some cases, the hand talks back.
·Demon With a Glass Hand (1964): This classic Outer Limits episode, written by Harlan Ellison, features an imaginative and fascinating premise. An amnesiac named Trent (Robert Culp) finds himself pursued by hollow-eyed strangers who want to kill him. Trent’s left hand is made of glass and houses a talking computer that gives him advice concerning his unusual predicament. He learns that he is from the future and that the mysterious assassins are aliens that have pursued Trent into the past via a "time mirror." It seems that in 1,000 years, humanity will lose a war against an alien race known as the Kyben. Just before Earth’s population can be completely obliterated, all of humanity mysteriously vanishes except for Trent, who escapes back in time. Now Trent must stay alive long enough to find out the truth about what happened to Earth’s future population and why he has seemingly been entrusted with their survival.
The glass hand aids Trent as best it can, but it’s missing some fingers and can’t provide vital information until they can be found. Trapped in an old building with his enemies, Trent tries to stay hidden, occasionally fighting with his other-wordly foes and retrieving the missing components of his hand.
Considered by many to be the show’s finest hour, this episode is a must-see for fans of the series or of the writer.
· The In-Laws (1979): No, not the laugh-free 2003 remake with Michael Douglas and Albert Brooks. Check out the 1979 original and I can just about guarantee you won’t be sorry. It’s goofy, pointless fun, but it’s top-quality goofy, pointless fun.
All of the hand-talking takes place in the film’s delirious final third, when the titular duo (Alan Arkin and Peter Falk) find themselves in a Third World dictatorship, chatting with the amusingly deranged General Garcia (Richard Libertini). The boys feign interest in the general’s awful collection of black velvet paintings and listen to his insane plan to ruin the global economy. They are also introduced to Señor Pepe, a character consisting of two eyes and a smear of lipstick drawn on the general’s right hand.
"Shall we invite these men to sit down?" asks the general, before answering "Oh, si si," in a falsetto voice, while moving his hand to suggest talking. The protagonists are speechless, particularly when Señor Pepe begins to smother them with kisses.
·Evil Dead II (1987): "Who’s laughing now?!" cackles Ash (Bruce Campbell), as he detaches his own possessed hand with a chainsaw. The no-longer-laughing body part has no comeback to this witticism, but continues to scuttle about mischievously.
· Freaked (a.k.a. Hideous Mutant Freekz) (1993): One of the many, many human oddities in this cult comedy is Sockhead, a guy with a sock puppet for a head. (Duh.) Bobcat Goldthwait supplies Sockhead’s familiar gargly voice, while Karyn Malchus inhabits the costume.
So when does the hand-talking come in? Well, during a stage performance, Sockhead’s er…"hat" comes off, revealing a human hand. The audience boos, apparently feeling that a guy with a third hand in place of a head isn’t nearly as freaky as the advertised talking sock. The freak show’s manager presents himself, trying to explain that ventriloquism is a "perfectly respectable art." In the uncut version, Sockhead flips the audience the bird.
· Muppet Treasure Island (1996): In this version of Robert Louis Stevenson’s famous tale, the ocean voyage is financed by the slightly mad Young Squire Trelawney (Fozzie Bear), and by Mr. Bimbo, the tiny man who lives in his finger. Mr. Bimbo is very smart. He’s been to the moon. Twice!
· Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000): The title character in this anime feature is a shadowy supernatural mercenary with a talking left hand. A parasitic creature of some sort, the hand advises D to stay out of danger, advice that the stoic hunter rarely listens to. "Ah well… what’s the sound of one hand yapping," grunts the pessimistic mitt. Oddly, for a Japanese film, this was originally made in English. This character, complete with chatty extremity, also appears in the earlier Vampire Hunter D (1987) direct-to-video film.
· The Addams Family (1991): "That’s it, Thing. Lend a hand!" The Addams’s trusty Thing never utters a word, but is still a beloved member (or dismember) of the family. He’s great at charades, too.
· The Tick (1994-1997): An absolutely hilarious animated series, based on the comic by Ben Edlund. The episodes that concern us here are the ones containing supervillain The Human Ton and his handpuppet sidekick, Handey. Handey is unusual for a puppet character, in that we can see his human operator at all times – the Human Ton’s wrist clearly animates the little guy, but people continue to address the loquacious puppet rather than his taciturn human appendage. Handey is also the best-read character in the series and whenever his literary comments go over the other characters’ heads, he explodes with an exasperated cry of, "Read a book!" Great superhero satire. A live-action series followed, but didn’t last.
·John’s Arm (2002): John’s life is forever changed when he gets his arm caught in a radioactive vending machine. Now the universe has a new super-powered saviour, as John’s Arm flies off into the night to fight evil – without him. "Yes John, it is once again time for me to slap the hideous puke-green face of evil!" Thrill to the adventures of John’s Arm, as it patrols the cosmos in the name of good, before coming home and getting bitched at by his slovenly host body about the inconvenience of being left one-armed whenever the Danger Wristwatch Signal lights up. This wild, web-based Flash animation is a million laughs and is followed by three sequels that are even funnier. Go to www.mikethepod.com click on the link marked "Visual," and watch the whole series. Dig that stirring theme song: "John’s Arm, John’s Arm, Fighting crime with knuckles strong/Only two-and-a-half-feet long." |
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