| Flatlands, rollin’ plains
Clear blue skies, prairie rains;
A tapestry of colours in the fall.
Snow covered mountain tops,
Wheat fields, canola crops;
Alberta has it all.
Alberta is calling me.
Home sweet home, it’s where I’m proud to be.
Alberta is calling me.
Livin’ right I’m feelin’ free.
First Nations built the land
Fur trade, way back then.
We’ve come a long way since that.
Agriculture, lumberjacks,
Oil derricks, natural gas;
There is no turnin’ back.
Culture diverse as it can be.
This is the land of opportunity.
Welcoming friends, night and day.
That’s the way I pray Alberta stays.
"Alberta" by Mary Kieftenbeld
To mark Alberta’s centennial next year, MLA Wayne Cao suggested a contest to adopt an official song for the province. From the 335 entries, "Alberta" by Mary Kieftenbeld was selected and recorded in pop and country versions. They can be downloaded at www.albertacentennial.ca/celebrations/alberta_song.
Since Albertan tax dollars were spent on this project, it seems only fair that some sort of critical assessment of the song should be attempted. To that end, Fast Forward music scribes were asked to critique Alberta’s new official song in 50 words or less. However, some of our writers were so inspired by "Alberta" that they created their own "works of art." Here are the results.
It seems as though the provincial government will spend money on anything as long as it isn’t health care, education or the environment. To prove it, they’ve made two versions of the "Alberta" song (an indistinguishable pop and country mix), to commemorate the province’s upcoming centennial. Following our government’s lead, I’ve decided to commemorate the commemoration with an equally meaningless form of artistic expression – a play entitled If Ralph Klein Can Make a CD, I Can Write a Play (Working Title)
ACT I
(Ralph Klein sits on park bench. Concerned Citizen enters stage right).
Concerned Citizen: Excuse me, Ralph, but my kids need smaller classrooms, I can’t pay my health premiums and I think I’ve developed asthma from the sour-gas wells. My utility bills tripled and my spouse and I have to work two jobs just to make ends meet.
Ralph Klein: You know what would make you feel better – a song.
(Ralph passes Concerned Citizen a CD). Go on, take it, it’s free.
CC: Um, thanks Ralph, but don’t you think this is a totally irresponsible way to spend provincial money?
RK: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. (Ralph stands up and pulls out pistol. He points it at the ground of Concerned Citizen’s feet). I said ‘dance.’
TIMOTHY HECK
It has been observed that the countries with the best national anthems (Germany, Russia, etc.) are also the most prone to invading their neighbours. Our southern neighbours will be reassured by "Alberta," which strongly suggests that we won't be annexing Montana (or even East Lloydminster) anytime soon.
BRAD HALAZ
It’s no surprise the Klein conservatives picked a gospel artist's song as the centennial theme. It’s also no surprise they picked a song with such simple lyrics (rhyming "me" with "free" and "be" – pretty clever). What does come as a surprise is that Klein didn't just choose his favourite drinking song, drink, then delay building a hospital.
CHRISTINE LEONARD
This little ditty reeks of a lottery commercial. Telling the difference between the country and pop versions is like distinguishing between a fiddle and a violin. "Snow covered mountain tops, wheat fields, canola crops. Lumberjacks, oil derricks, natural gas," apparently "Alberta has it all." But, where’s the beef? Sure the part about the "fur trade" cracks me up, and the dubious line "Culture diverse as it can be" just begs to be dissected, but the biggest blow: "That’s the way I pray Alberta stays." A-hem!
MD STEWART
Those of us who can remember the ’88 Olympics have, no doubt, completely forgotten the song-for-Calgary contest. That time around, some Vancouver songwriters recycled their losing entry in the Vancouver ’86 Expo song contest and won.
Now, almost 20 years later, our benevolent provincial fiefdom gives us this chestnut: "Yeah Yeah Alberta!" Does it suck? Oh, you bet it does. But at least it sucks in a homegrown, we-can-suck-all-by-ourselves kind of way. After 100 years, don’t we at least deserve that?
NICHOLE STEWART
Whatever happened to "Alberta Bound?" We reluctantly hand over hard-earned money to the hands of government officials and hope for things like better health care, but instead end up with a sad-sounding song for our province’s 100th birthday.
Twangy guitars overcast by vocalists’ wavering chords and aboriginal chanting set the tone for local country-pop-folk singers to drone on about Alberta, lumberjacks, oil derricks and fur trading – because we all know that’s what we tell people about this province. I can’t believe that our tax money funded this ludicrous project, or that a 13-member Official Song Committee picked this dud out of a pile of more than 300 entries.
I’m damn sure Alberta has more to offer than this – but maybe if we had a better educational system, there wouldn’t be such slim pickin’s.
TARA LEE WITTCHEN
How am I supposed to be proud of a song that has the phrase "natural gas" in it?
I can't decide which is worse, this or the lame version of Jesus Jones's
"Right Here, Right Now" that they’re using to lure tourists to Nova Scotia.
Oh, wait. This is much, much worse.
MARY-LYNN WARDLE
David Foster would be proud. The creator of that insipid chicken-broth-for-the-soul piece of music that was the theme song for the ’88 Winter Olympics has obviously spawned a legacy. Why else would Kieftenbeld have written an official Alberta song upping his ante into the chicken-shit-on-my-sole category? While Foster was offensive on a purely instrumental level, Kieftenbeld added lyrics steeped in enough political correctness to sell out the Kaopectate shelf at Wal-Mart. "First Nations built the land/ Fur trade way back then?" Really? How exactly did the First Nations build this land? Did they dump the dirt with their canoes onto the Great Turtle’s back? There’s no mention of the slaughtering of the buffalo so we could get rid of them pesky Injuns and put something really suited for the land, like cattle, on it. "Culture diverse as it can be?" What, did she have a bunch of those federal propaganda pamphlets sitting around when she wrote this?
That’s the problem with a song for the masses – it has to be watered down to the point where it can’t possibly offend anybody with honest, edgy lyrics or music. They can call this sham our official song, but Ian Tyson’s "Four Strong Winds" or Tom Phillips’ "Alberta Song" ring truer in our hearts. |
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