Review
RESIDENT EVIL: APOCALYPSE
Starring Milla Jovavich, Sienna Gullory and Oded Fehr
Directed by Alexander Witt
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Resident Evil: Apocalypse is a shitty movie that made me mad. Not because it’s shitty (I own Showgirls) but because it’s a dull, lazy movie made by people who just didn’t seem to care about the audience. Sure, it’s just a cheesy sequel to a bad movie (based on a video game) that just might have a cult following, but the makers of Resident Evil: Apocalypse should be ashamed of themselves for ripping-off rather than reinventing.
Resident Evil: Apocalypse takes place 13 hours before the first film ended. If you haven’t seen the first one, don’t worry – Alice (Milla Jovavich) gives the required exposition needed to catch up. Basically, the Umbrella corporation has been performing experiments in a large underground facility. An infection that turns people into zombies has spread to the surface, infecting the residents of Raccoon City (a barely-disguised Toronto). The heads of the corporation decide to quarantine the city even though there are uninfected people still within the city walls. So it’s up to Alice and a bunch of highly-trained killing machines to escape Raccoon City before Umbrella nukes the town and… oh, who cares?
Did director Alexander Witt care enough to actually train his actors in the art of fight choreography? Did he care enough to take the time to figure out other, possibly-cool ways of having his cast get out of sticky situations instead ofstealing countless scenes from other movies? (Screenwriter P.W. Anderson has to take some blame for that one.) The answer, my friends, is "No."
No one seemed to care about anything except making money. Instead of well-choreographed fight scenes, we’re treated to quick-cut close-ups and loud sound effects. At least 11 of my favourite movies were raped – most notably La Femme Nikita, Hellraiser, Alien and The Thing. And I’m not talking about homage – these are shot-for-shot ripoffs.
What’s worse, by leaving shots of the CN Tower in the film, Witt doesn’t even give us a chance to suspend our disbelief. And we also see signs for CIBC and Canadian Club everywhere. If they can digitally blow up Nathan Phillips Square, they can erase such obvious landmarks. But that would involve some kind of commitment to filmmaking.
I hope this movie falls flat on its ass. I hope people will rise up and say, "I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore." If we send a message to these morons, then maybe we’ll be heard. But who am I kidding? This movie will make a boatload of cash and I’ll just have to grin and bear it while I wait for a real homage-ridden zombie film (Shaun of the Dead) to open later on this month. Until then: fuck you Resident Evil: Apocalypse. |
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