Review
CELLULAR
Starring Chris Evans, Kim Basinger and William H. Macy
Directed by David R. Ellis
Opens Friday, September 10
Check listings
I could go on and on and on about the newest, awful, telephone-themed movie Cellular, from hack screenwriter Larry Cohen (who also wrote Phone Booth).
I could talk about how impossible it is to believe – how no one can bleed to death in 30 seconds from a severed brachial artery; how no one can get from Santa Monica to the Hollywood Hills and back to Los Angeles international airport in 10 minutes unless they’re flying a helicopter; how Kim Basinger couldn’t teach kindergarten, let alone high-school sciences.
I could talk about the worst acting of Basinger’s career and the sad shabbiness of William H. Macy. I could talk about the boring car chases and silly gun fights. I could talk about Cellular’s horrible direction and pace. I could talk about its silly dialogue and weak closure. I could talk about how an hour and a half felt more like three. And I guess I just did. But rather than go any further into these things I’ll say something nice about Cellular.
My mom didn’t believe in that whole if-you-can’t-say-anything-nice-don’t-say-anything-at-all crap, but I always thought it was a neat theory so I’m going to practise a little bit of it here. I liked Cellular’s lead actor, Chris Evans. He actually has potential. And I can forgive him his place in this silly action thriller. Hell, if I was handed that garbage script and offered the lead role – my first – with a chance to act with Macy, I’d take it. Wouldn’t you?
Evans is good-looking, likable, takes his role seriously and actually sells his belief in the story. I might have disbelieved everything else that was happening onscreen, but I believed that his character Ryan actually cared about Basinger’s poor – literally and figuratively (or so we’re told) – Brentwood family.
Now that’s impressive work. Believing a character when the other actors around you are ignoring theirs; to believe in the stupidity onscreen while everyone else cheeses their way from scene to scene; to actually be funny with terrible dialogue – that’s great acting.
Cellular isn’t worth seeing, but if we’re lucky, Chris Evans’s performance will earn him a role in a film we’ll all see. He deserves it, if only because he’s paid his penance to the movie gods. |
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