| Cute as they are, babies can be wicked taskmasters. "Wah, wah, wah: gimme some milk." "Wah, wah, wah: gimme some food." "Wah, wah, wah: change my diaper." Lately, though, babies have been making decidedly less gruelling and mundane requests. "Wah, wah, wah," the cry goes out, "I wanna see the new Starsky and Hutch movie starring Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller."
Until recently, Chinook Centre’s Paramount Theatre offered CineBabies matinee screenings for parents and young ’uns. Fast Forward took in a 1 p.m. showing, featuring the above ’70s cop show remake, and the idea turned out to be a Godsend to the stroller set.
Fast Forward: Why are you here?
Rhonda (with son Garrett): An opportunity to get out of the house and see some mainstream movies. The babies can scream as loud as they want to without you feeling you have to leave the theatre.
Do the babies like it?
Yeah. I’m here with my girlfriend Tracy and her son Trent. They’re quite mesmerized with the big screen. It’s great. You can do what you need to do – feed them and play with them and not worry about the people behind you. Everybody else is doing the same thing.
Is Starsky and Hutch a good first movie?
(Nods to babies.) They’re boys.
How important is this CineBabies thing to you?
Carol (with son Parker): I don’t know what people did without it. Our husbands really enjoy it as well. They actually feel like they’re missing out because they’re not able to come out with us. We catch a bit of hell when we get home but it’s worth it.
Is CineBabies going to be a factor in whether or not you have more children?
Yes it is (laughs), and that’s why I decided to get pregnant again (pats her growing stomach).
Does baby actually watch the film?
Carol’s friend Sarah (with son Spencer): He loves it! He’s looking for his remote control actually.
Is Starsky and Hutch appropriate baby viewing?
Sarah: I don’t really care.
Carol: They loved 50 First Dates. We’d like to think it’s educational: "I remember way back when my mom took me to.…"
Sarah: That’s why I got a gun.
At the hallway change tables, Barry and Denise tend twins Mackenzie and Loren.
Fast Forward: You’ve got your hands full.
Barry: It takes two.
Are you excited about the new Starsky and Hutch movie?
Denise: I wouldn’t be here.
Barry: I think it’s just getting out. The movie is secondary. There are a number of movies that are out right now we’d rather see, but Starsky and Hutch’ll be fine.
Will CineBabies have any bearing on whether you’ll have more children?
Barry (laughs): No.
Denise: Are you kidding me?
Barry: How long did we take to think of that?
While the soiled backsides of reality hold sway in the hall, inside the theatre small groups of parents sit chatting, jogging youngsters on their knees. They are noticeably louder and more excited than the babies. Sans kid, I feel kinda conspicuous until a childless couple sits down beside me. While she’s here for the show, he’s clearly got an ulterior motive.
She: Wow. This is a lot of little people. I’ve never seen so many in one place.
He: I’ve seen worse. Doesn’t bother me if there’s kids screamin’.
If a hundred of ‘em are this much fun, how much trouble could one be? Rhonda and her friend (see above) are seated behind. As if on cue, her baby parts my hair with a shriek. This is either due to gas or to the middle preview, Ben Affleck’s single-dad flick, Jersey Girl. My own discomfort is 60/40 Affleck/gas. "That’ll be good," says the childless guy, laying it on thick.
Minutes later, he’s singing along with the movie soundtrack as Stiller and Wilson putter down the highway in Easy Rider garb. "Take a load off, Fanny. Take a load for free…." And you strap a fresh Huggies right on me.
The woman in front of us takes her crying kid outside. "Awwww," sighs the baby-free couple as one, an impetuous population increase now pending.
The movie ends. The parents are slow to leave, still talking among themselves. The babies have been quieter than one might’ve expected. There’s an air of people having gotten exactly what they needed.
"‘That beats Cat in the Hat any day, Mom!’" says Rhonda, bouncing happy Garrett. On the way out, I wave at the chubby charmer. Mom waves his little fist back. Awwww.
Minutes later, I’m on the cellular. "But honey, if a hundred of them are this much fun…."
Famous Players’ CineBabies has been temporarily discontinued. However, Cineplex Odeon offers Stars and Strollers parent-and-baby matinees. Check out www.cineplex.com/strollers.aspx for venues, dates and times.
Good Listener is a monthly column dedicated to eavesdropping. |
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