Review
CONNIE AND CARLA
Starring Nia Vardalos and Toni Collette
Directed by Michael Lembeck
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In Connie and Carla, Nia Vardalos and Toni Collette play a couple of Midwestern gals who love show tunes. They just can’t seem to get a break in this electronic media world, so they are relegated to performing Broadway numbers in an airport bar, where the captive airline passengers consider yelling, "Anthrax!" just to get away from the keen pair.
The airport lounge owner thinks their show is so good he is willing to run some cocaine for the mob to raise money for costumes. Bizarrely, he stashes the coke in Connie’s bag, then gets shot in front of Connie and Carla while shouting their names. Now the mob boss knows who to chase for the rest of the movie.
The girls hide out in the one city where the mob won’t think to look for some legit live performers – Los Angeles.
Connie and Carla stumble into a gay bar where they clean up on the drag queen circuit because rather than lip syncing, they can belt it out like Liza. In spite of the fact that Connie and Carla have never seen men kiss or men in drag, they are able to slip into this world with only a few Bosom Buddy type moments where they slap shaving cream on their faces if someone shows up at the door unexpectedly.
This is a plot that requires finesse and expert storytelling. Those are things in a galaxy far distant from Connie and Carla. Jokes are set up and punch-lines lie gasping for air on the floor, never delivered, while other screamingly lame jokes are repeated two and three times. The whole drag scene is just used as a backdrop to get to the straight love story and no one without astigmatism and an ear infection would mistake either Vardalos or Collette for a man. Then there are just plain weird moments when the whole movie staggers to a standstill for a lecture about body image!?
I was not a fan of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but I didn’t have to go to a plastic surgeon afterwards to fix my gaping mouth and popped eyes, like I have to after I finish this review. |
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