Review
THE WHOLE TEN YARDS
Starring Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry and Amanda Peet
Directed by Howard Deutch
Opens Friday, April 9
Check Listings
It shouldn’t come as a shocker that The Whole Ten Yards, the follow-up to 2000’s mob hit The Whole Nine Yards, is a bit of a dud. You can see it in the eyes of the cast members – and not just Matthew Perry’s typical who-me? gape either. By now, I believe looking guiltless and stupid is a precondition of this particular Friend’s contract.
The primary trouble is Bruce Willis, turning the crank on his self-parody as retired hit man Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski. Willis never really defined the tough-as-nails gangster guise to begin with, unlike, say Robert DeNiro, who was able to vividly lampoon his own heartless mob boss in Analyze This. If James Caan hadn’t already exhausted the shtick by kicking Hugh Grant’s pasty British keester all over Mickey Blue Eyes, he probably would’ve been a better fit for the role.
In any case, Willis, Perry and the bulk of the original cast returns for The Whole Ten Yards. This time around, Tudeski has fled to Mexico where, much to the dismay of his whack-happy sweetheart Jill (Amanda Peet), he’s become quite adept at household chores. (Look everyone, Bruce Willis in bunny slippers! Funny, huh? And unfortunately, that’s pretty much the high point of comedy in this sucker.)
Jimmy’s old neighbour Oz (Perry) has moved his dental practice from Montreal (a backdrop that, if nothing else, provided killer jokes about excessive mayonnaise on hamburgers) to Los Angeles. It’s there newly paroled mobster Lazlo Gogolak comes calling, seeking revenge for the death of his favourite son, Yanni. You’ll recall that Kevin Pollak was horrifically miscast as Yanni in the first film. Here, his father is played by, Pollak in coke bottle glasses, thick prosthetic jowls and that same goofy Hungarian accent. Lazlo kidnaps Oz’s wife (Natasha Henstridge), so the jumpy dentist is forced to track down his ex-assassin pal for assistance.
The Whole Nine Yards wasn’t an overly sharp film, but at least it was amusing. The same can’t be said for number two (ten?), which seems to toss out the slapstick and double crosses more out of obligation than inspiration. If anyone deserves a contract on their head, it’s the dumb bastard who dares to propose The Whole Eleven Yards. |
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