| Hey, folks! Ever wonder what goes through the mind of the Video Vulture during a typical week?
Er… anybody?
…Hello?
Um. Well, it seems as though none of you actually have any interest at all in what makes me tick and yet I continue to inflict it upon you on a weekly basis.
Well – time to do it again, I suppose. Here’s a little breakdown of what it’s like to be obsessive about inconsequential movie trivia and yet lack the attention span to reach any sort of closure on it. I’ve forgotten the actual dates of the following events, so I’m just going to fling them at you in point form. I’ll try to be brief.
Day One: Watch Kill Bill Vol. 1 again. It rocks. Am struck, once again, by the haunting familiarity of that wacky screeching music that comes up whenever The Bride meets one of her foes, as images of past betrayal play over an extreme close-up of her eyes. Decide to find out which movie originally did this, and to stick to this quest, rather than just forget about it like I did the first time I watched Kill Bill.
Day Two: Read every scrap of trivia on Kill Bill listed on the Internet Movie Database (IMDb). Man, there’s a lot. Apparently, the wacky screeching music is an homage to a 1969 spaghetti western entitled Death Rides a Horse starring Lee Van Cleef. Ennio Morricone scored the western and also receives a credit in Kill Bill. Cool. I thought it sounded familiar. Feel very proud of myself, despite the fact that I’ve never seen Death Rides a Horse and could not possibly have recognized it. Details, details….
Day Three: Do a web search for Kill Bill trivia. Find a cool unauthorized site with a bunch of little factual tidbits, but nothing new about Death Rides a Horse (which I will hereafter refer to as DRAH). All of the other sites I find either repeat the info from this site or the IMDb, or just provide links to them. Scratch head. Suddenly remember that I’ve seen dozens of cheap DVD copies of DRAH in department stores and such. Sense of purpose renewed! I’ll track down a bargain bin copy of this forgotten classic, watch it and announce my findings to the world! Er… tomorrow.
Day Four: Make pancakes.
Day Five: Read lots and lots of reviews of DRAH, which is sounding increasingly like a flick I’d enjoy watching. Particularly like Roger Ebert’s one-star review. "It’s hard to explain the fun to be found in seeing the right kind of bad movie," begins Rog. He then goes on to point out the glee that viewers can experience from re-establishing their childhood love of westerns or of seeing an actor’s shadow fall across a mountain range that is obviously a backdrop. My favourite passage: "Van Cleef’s face, in close-up, has the lean, hardened, embittered expression of a man who has either (a) been pursuing his lonely vengeance across the plains of the West for 30 years, or (b) realizes he will be making spaghetti westerns the rest of his life. These two looks are nearly indiscernible."
Day Six: Fight the holiday crowds at the mall, in search of DRAH. By the time I find it, I’ve already purchased three DVDs: one double feature, and two quadruples (10 movies! Woohoo! Screw you, DRAH! Who needs ya?). That’s right, the object of my quest is right there in front of me, a mere $9.99 for four movies, and yet by now, I’m convinced I can still find a better deal. Having found the object of my search, I’m perfectly comfortable to go home without it. This is the way my brain works. No, I don’t understand it either.
Day Seven: Watch A Professional Gun (1968), one of the extraneous movies I picked up yesterday. It’s a decent enough spaghetti western, with the same director (Sergio Corbucci) and star (Franco Nero) as Django (1965), one of my favourites. The film begins with a couple of midget matadors entering a bullfighting ring, wearing clown makeup. Best of all is Jack Palance as an effeminate psychotic mercenary. Nero’s Polish accent is tough to follow, and the ending is a bit weak, but I’m pleased with this $4.99 disc, and feel more confident than ever that I’ll find a similarly priced DRAH in plenty of time to meet my deadline.
Day Eight: Eep! Deadline!! Make up a bunch of crap and submit it! Hurry, hurry, hurry! Phew!
Next Week: Now that it doesn’t matter anymore, I’ll probably wind up buying that $9.99 DRAH disc anyway. Stay tuned!
…Er, anyone? |
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