| This is the continuing story of the tribulations of a spunky Canadian as he tries to teach the world that the simple harmony of market supply and demand will lead us to happiness and wealth. We find our hero arriving in Kosovo in the clutches of Manucher Khashoggi, a greedy arms dealer who believes the weapons and drug trades are the highest forms of free trade.
Manucher Khashoggi, Earnest’s captor, spent a profitable two weeks selling weapons as he travelled through Serbia and Macedonia. The Balkans were a sellers’ market, with dozens of groups from that region and the Middle East desperate to out-arm each other.
Earnest watched in amazement as Khashoggi and a dozen other companies and dealers made millions at the arms expos held in each major town’s exhibition centre. To compete with the other exhibitors, Khashoggi hired local models to wear camouflage bikinis and demonstrate the latest sniper rifles and body armour to customers.
Earnest’s master would dismiss his complaints about such seedy business. "You know my motto," Khashoggi would declare. "Doing well is the result of doing good. That’s what capitalism is all about. If I grow rich selling weapons, I am doing good for someone."
Khashoggi eventually wrapped up his business in Macedonia and slipped into Kosovo to make a special deal. He dragged our hero to a meeting with Ilir Sharri, the local commander of the National Albanian Army (NAA), a guerrilla group that grew out of the banned Kosovo Liberation Army.
When Earnest and Khashoggi arrived at the meeting on the Bistrica River bridge, Sharri said, "You are late. You almost missed the latest heroic act by the NAA’s fighters. Every Albanian in whose veins Albanian blood flows will rejoice when they hear of our heroism."
Sharri pointed to a group of teenagers swimming in the river. "Serbs," he spat. "They spend all day pretending to play when they are just spying on us and informing the neo-fascist government of Prishtina of our movements."
Just then, shots were fired from the far side of the river, hitting the teens. Stunned, Earnest watched two of the teens fall immediately. The others screamed and ran for cover. A strange feeling filled our hero, and he dove off the bridge to escape the unthinkable scene.
Behind him, Khashoggi swore and shot at his slave, but the rough waters of the river made Earnest a difficult target. The river banged and bruised him and washed him miles down river. When he finally reached shore, two Americans found him and brought him to a hospital in Prishtina.
His American rescuers visited Earnest. They explained they were from the Federation of American Scientists, formerly the Federation of Atomic Scientists, and were visiting Kosovo to report on the weapons sales in the area. "Well, you fished the right person out of the river," said Earnest. He thanked them and related his sad tale as a weapons dealer’s slave. The scientists thanked Earnest for all his help and promised to tell the World Bank that he was still alive.
Three weeks later, as Earnest prepared to leave the hospital, a surprise visitor arrived. Earnest could not believe his eyes. "Elena, my dear sister, I thought you died in the World Trade Centre."
"And I thought you did as well," replied Elena, "until I saw your name on the World Bank’s Pakistan mission. But you disappeared again before I could catch you. Now I have finally found you. I can show you how I have continued your life’s work by working on free trade negotiations."
Elena left to organize their trip to London, where she was working on U.S.-European Union trade negotiations. Moments later, an explosion rocked the hospital, and a bloodied nurse came to tell Earnest his sister had been vaporized by an NAA bomb.
In despair, Earnest travelled to London, where the World Bank asked him to take over for his sister on the U.S. trade mission. After a few weeks of negotiating the reduction of subsidies on wine production and the copyrighting of cheese names, Earnest asked the senior negotiator, Baker Zoellick, how all this was going to spread capitalism and bring prosperity to the world.
"It isn’t, you naive fool," said Zoellick. "It’s meant to keep prosperity where it belongs – in North America and Europe. Look, son, you sound like one of those goofy Lamsid Ecneicsites. You might appreciate an opportunity to do some good capitalist deeds in the Eastern Congo."
Earnest was so excited about his new job that he did not notice the black car following him until two large men jumped out and pulled him into the car, which crawled away in the London traffic.
Next: How Earnest fares among the Africans. |
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