| The answer suddenly dawned on me as I listened to a rich, almost operatic rendition of the U.S. national anthem.
It was a televised NHL game between the Toronto Maple Leafs and the New York Rangers, and the U.S. and Canadian anthems were being sung back-to-back. The question I’d been pondering was one raised in the documentary Bowling for Columbine, in which producer Michael Moore travels through upscale and backwoods U.S.A searching for an answer to the question: what accounts for the difference between Americans and Canadians in gun-related deaths?
Compared to Canada, U.S. homicide rates are consistently off the charts. Well, during that Saturday night hockey game, I discovered that the blame lies with the U.S. anthem. That’s right, blame it on the music.
Think about it – whenever we hear the American anthem immediately following the Canadian anthem, it’s like being awakened from a trance. Even preparing for the first note in "O Canada" induces lethargy – you stretch your mouth wide open, your brain zones out and you slowly draw in a deep breath. This is called yawning in most countries, not singing.
Our anthem instils conformity, peace, order, good government and all that stuff, but the U.S anthem – well now, doesn’t it just make you want to kick the furniture over, paint the town red (and white and blue) and fire a loaded shotgun? After the first note of this re-sampled drinking song, you’ve got a case of rabid jingoism on your hands.
Yeah, it fires you up. It’s contagious: "And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air." Americans sing these lines and it’s like "I kick ass therefore I am." A whole sense of identity is tied up with seeing bombs go off and hearing loud explosions. And, on the Fourth of July, what better way to celebrate than with firecrackers? They explode and make a loud bang.
So, it’s understandable that Bush has weapons inspectors in Iraq scratching around for a reason to fight. Actually, it’s more of a pretext – we all knew the day Bush’s junta took power that he intended to mop up whatever Daddy hadn’t finished in Iraq.
Still, I don’t get it. What is Canada’s interest in this whole charade? I mean, besides being a highly effective sedative, our national anthem has nothing on the U.S anthem, especially with sappy lines such as "True patriot love in all thy sons command" or "With glowing hearts we see thee rise." Glowing hearts?
Some say our interest in "Desert Storm: The Sequel" is due to our close friendship with the neighbours downstairs. But remember when you’d tearfully confess to Mom that you stole the candy bar because your friend, Georgie Jr., dared you to do it? She wouldn’t simply tell you: "Johnny, stealing is wrong and you’ll go to hell for it." No, that wouldn’t have had an impact.
Momma understood the power of rhetoric. She would ask you: " Well, if Georgie dared you to jump off a bridge (let’s assume the Golden Gate for the purposes of this exercise), does that mean you’d go and do it?" And presto, you would have learned your lesson or lessons. Never again would you let Georgie Jr. bully, intimidate or trick you into doing something that was wrong.
Well, it’s time for Johnny, or John or Jean, to stand up to the Georgies of the world – let them know it’s wrong to make people fear for their lives, and to cause thousands to lose their jobs and go hungry and become desperate and resentful of you.
Georgie Jr. needs to know that children don’t deserve to starve, be diseased or be denied education as atonement for a leader who won’t surrender his country’s natural resources to your whims. It’s wrong to sabotage a country’s economy just because they won’t do what you want them to do, or to try to make their military system into whatever you choose. Only morons do things like that – and no one likes being called a moron.
It’s wrong to play God with people’s lives just because their skin is a different colour and they worship a different god, or perhaps it’s the same god being worshipped in a different way. It’s wrong to nurture a climate of violence and hate, to call people names like Axis of Evil and act surprised when they start playing the role you assigned them. It’s wrong to blame somebody for a fight that you started, and pretend that you’re innocent of the very same crimes you accuse them of.
It’s time to start growin’ up, Georgie. Get a life and leave people alone. Don’t you have enough chores to do at home? You may be super-cop today, but one day someone’s going to take your popgun away. Don’t think it won’t happen – and then what are you going to do?
And Georgie, by the way – "Go Leafs Go!" |
