| Christmas is commercialized. So what?
Labour Day is another word for beer, Valentine’s Day is owned by Hallmark, turkeys are synonymous with Thanksgiving and power tools with Father’s Day, and I’ve yet to understand what possible connection an egg-laying rabbit has with Easter. And not so long ago and not so far away, sales of white Ford Broncos supposedly peaked following the media frenzy with the O.J. Simpson tailgating/chase. It’s not just about Christmas. Finally, when Manhattan was flattened, the U.S president urged citizens to spend, spend and spend.
So, the selling of baby Jesus and all that goes with it shouldn’t surprise anyone. In fact, maybe it’s time we did something different with Christmas. I mean, let’s really make the whole season more contemporary.
The "babe in the manger" stuff is a little corny – I’d dare to say it’s outdated. As for "Peace on Earth, goodwill toward men," hell, that line doesn’t fly worth a Scud, even in the little town of Bethlehem where the whole Christmas-craze began. Some people say "Keep the ‘Christ’ in Christmas." I say "Let’s keep the ‘X’ in X-mas, and throw in a couple more for good measure."
The Santa Claus parade – bah, humbug! Who needs it? Instead, let’s announce the start of the X-mas season with a huge media event styled after the TV series The Amazing Race. We could call the event "X-mas Rush." Festivities would be kicked off with a colourful shopper’s parade down 8th Avenue, with Winona Ryder as the Grand Marshal, and wind up at Olympic Plaza. This would be a real family occasion – yes, bring the kids with you. After all, isn’t it time they learned that the Tickle-Me-Elmo doll didn’t just fall down the chimney? No, that doll was bought and fought for with your blood, sweat and tears.
Just think – Junior could get first-hand experience of the "Christmas Rush." No doubt, he’d be hooked after the first year.
On stage, an announcer would bellow: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the main event. Let’s get ready to rumble!" The crack of a starter’s pistol would signal a Le Mans start with crowds dashing wildly for first place in line at the post office, and drag races toward that last parking spot. There’d be fist-fights over merchandise at the bargain bins, cold stares at slow cashiers and, despite dense traffic and clogged parkades, everything on the Christmas "to-do" list would have to be completed before 5 p.m. on Christmas Eve.
The beauty of it all is that without a Santa Claus parade, demonstrators wouldn’t have a parade to crash with their banners about starving children in Iraq and the pending war. Honestly, a Santa Claus parade is not the place to draw attention to starving kids or families on the verge of being bombed by a callous superpower. So what if December 1st is the anniversary of Rosa Parks’s refusal to give in to a racialized seating policy on a Montgomery, Alabama public bus? Bringing hope to the oppressed has nothing to do with the message of Christmas.
And who cares if this December marks the fifth anniversary of the signing of the Landmine Treaty? Stuff a prosthetic leg into a shoebox and mail it to Vietnam – end of story. Who cares that 1,300 homeless people in this city can’t find shelter in one of the richest provinces in Canada? These concerns have no place at a Santa Claus parade. Besides, little Susie and Junior could be traumatized for life by a gang of Canuckistan commie protestors whinging about peace on earth and goodwill to men.
That’s right, let’s cut through the pretense. We all know that Christmas isn’t about the giving, it’s about the getting, the hoarding, the stockpiling. So what if the Christmas spirit breeds a new crop of clutching, selfish youngsters who’d stare at you blankly if you told them "gimme, gimme, never gets."
At this time of the year, the name of the game is consume, consume. Run with it!
Now, all of this might sound a bit perverse to some of you, but who are we kidding? It’s free-enterprise capitalism at its best. It’s about a strong economy and people shopping patriotically. If Christmas is for kids, it’s only because they know how to truly enjoy it. They’re not embarrassed by a healthy show of greed. Where did we grown-ups go wrong? We’re so obsessed with hang-ups over ethics, compassion, peace and goodwill. Commercialization? Let’s hear no more complaining – it’s a fine word, and a natural consequence of living in a capitalist world. So what’s the problem?
I mean, we don’t really want to offer hope, or promote life, family, peace and goodwill unless there’s a dollar to be made. That’s the real message of the holiday season – isn’t it? You know, strangely, it’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas…. |
