| Once upon a time, a young girl called Ahleth Ecar was chasing the Canadian Dream when she fell down a seemingly bottomless pit. When she regained consciousness, she saw two strange fellows with long strings that disappeared into the darkness above attached to their limbs. They were shoving each other and yelling, "I’ll fix her."
"Where am I and who are you?" Ahleth asked.
"You are in the bottomless pit known as Health Care Crisis. I’m Maz, the only one who can guide you through this dangerous place full of socialists," said the tall one.
"Don’t listen to him. I’m Rom. It should be obvious that this pit is called Health Care Issues, and I am your guide to a more sustainable and accountable health care system," said the shorter, well-coiffed one.
A little dazed and confused, but determined to get back to chasing her Canadian Dream, Ahleth started wandering towards the bright "H" she could see in the distance. Maz and Rom followed her, each trying to trip the other one when he wasn’t looking.
As Ahleth approached the big building with the bright "H," she saw a stooped figure surrounded by an angry mob. She could tell from the vote-for-me buttons and sycophantic aides scurrying around that the stooped figure was a politician.
The leader of the mob was screaming at the politician, "If you don’t provide doctors on demand every time we ache or fall down, we are going to destroy you in the polls. Worse than that, we are going to sue you for not taking care of us from cradle to grave. We paid our dues. You owe us."
The politician feebly answered back, "You don’t understand. I can’t just fix health care. I have to do it the right way or my political ideology will be compromised."
Maz blurted out, "I can save you, Mr. Politician man. Make people aware of how much public money they are wasting on their own personal health care. Let the private sector make things more efficient through the universal magic of competition."
Rom yelled, "Join me in a higher purpose. Save medicare from the conservative barbarians. Shun the private sector. Health care is a moral imperative Canadians will pay anything to save."
This riled up the crowd even more. They descended on the politician, beating him with crutches and canes. Ahleth slipped away, not wanting the crowd’s antics to distract her from pursuing her dream.
Ahleth entered the hospital. Wandering down a dim, mint green corridor, she came across an elderly woman on a stretcher. When Ahleth asked her if she needed help, the woman explained she was waiting in the corridor until a doctor could see her.
As if controlled by unseen forces, Maz and Rom appeared on the scene with suitably concerned expressions. Maz approached the woman and whispered, "A doctor can see you right away if you let me wheel you over to the private health centre in the next corridor."
"A stout, jolly fellow already tried that," she responded. "I didn’t have enough cash for the private clinic so he brought me back here. He told me to wait for a nurse practitioner because freeloaders don’t always need to see doctors."
"I’ve got lots of money that I won in a Monopoly game," chimed Rom. "I can use it to make sure you get just the right health care without selling your soul to the corporate devil."
Rom waved the play money in the air. Suddenly, two androgynous people wearing dingy brown suits and carrying clipboards appeared. They whipped the money out of Rom’s hand and approached the elderly woman.
"Are you the nurse practitioners?" she asked.
They rolled their eyes and said in unison, "We are Frick and Frack. We are your case managers. We will decide what health providers you can see and when. We reviewed your chart and determined that you have exceeded the allotted hospitalization time required for any ailment your health record could possibly indicate. We are ordering your discharge. Have a nice day."
They disappeared, and Rom gleefully pushed the stretcher towards the exit. "Don’t you see how well a properly managed and funded public health care system can work? This is far more efficient than a private system that rewards doctors for ordering more tests and treatments."
"She doesn’t seem any better," said Ahleth.
"Of course your uneducated eyes can’t tell, but all statistical indications show she’s going to be fine," replied Rom.
Ahleth looked skeptical, but asked, "Alright, if she’s better, can you show me how to get back to achieving the Canadian Dream?"
"Don’t you understand, Ahleth?" responded Maz. "This is the Canadian Dream. You didn’t fall down a pit, you achieved your greatest ambition. Welcome home." |
