| As Christmas junkies head to the record store to add to their already epic collections of holiday music, they may be disappointed with the slim pickings.
With the exception of a few standouts, the Christmas music section is awash in soulless renditions of overworked holiday "classics." Obviously primed for an optimum seasonal cash grab, labels shamelessly churn out the same records year after year, merely changing the artist and track order. If you dig deep, though, there is some glimmering tinsel to be found amongst the obligatory lumps of coal.
Best of the bunch: Tis the season for Los Straitjackets by Los Straitjackets (Yep Roc) – 13 instrumental surf covers of Christmas favourites with a retro rock ’n’ roll twist.
Biggest disappointment: Maybe This Christmas (Nettwerk) – Neil Finn, Ben Folds, Bright Eyes and Phantom Planet all take a crack, so why is this record so lacklustre?
Best album title: (tie) Santa Hooked Me Up by B2K (Epic) and Santa Got Mojo (Electro-fi Blues) by various artists.
Best deal: Christmas with Bing Crosby/ Dean Martin/ Nat King Cole/ Ella Fitzgerald (EMI) – a four-CD Christmas primer for less than $30.
‘E’ for Effort: O Christmas Tree: A Bluegrass Collection For The Holidays (Rounder) – despite great musicianship, this record just doesn’t evoke the holidays. Jingling Bells = Christmas. Banjo = Bluegrass.
Biggest surprise: "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" by Coldplay on Maybe This Christmas (Nettwerk) – somehow these whiny Brits hit a nostalgic holiday nerve.
Worst cover art: Christmas is Almost Here by Carly Simon (Rhino) – can’t the packaging geniuses at Rhino use Photoshop to make her look more festive and less like she is hungover from the staff Christmas party?
Give it up already: Wishes by Kenny G (Arista).
Lyric least likely to be associated with a Christmas carol: "Lookin’ sick in my J shorts and throw back" – B2K.
Saddest new Christmas carol: "12/23/95" by Jimmy Eat World on Maybe This Christmas (Nettwerk) – "I didn’t mean to leave you hanging on/ I didn’t mean to leave you all alone."
Longest Christmas medley: "Christmas Combination" by Jennifer Lara and the Silvertones with the Brentford All Stars on Christmas Greetings from Studio One (Studio 1) – with almost six minutes of Casio backbeat, you will be hard pressed to tell "The Christmas Song," "White Christmas" and "Jingle Bells" apart.
Worst Christmas double entendre: Cledus Navidad by Cledus T. Judd (Monument) – Judd’s contribution to the canon of holiday music is a holidays ’r’ hell concept record. The lead track, "Cledus’ Christmas Ball," is about what you think it is about.
Worst lyrical addition to a holiday standard: (tie) "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" by Jack Johnson and "Jingle Bells" by B2K – Jack suggests after Rudolph saves Christmas that he take time to gloat self-righteously and teach those intolerant reindeer a lesson. Alternately, B2K replaces the one-horse open sleigh with a G-ride, but ignore their cell phone because, "Yo, it’s Christmas."
Best Christmas re-release: Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas by Ella Fitzgerald (Verve) – how do you make a classic even better? New artwork, three bonus tracks and two alternate takes, that’s how.
Genre most likely to release a Christmas record: Country. You can look forward to releases by Brooks and Dunn, Lee Ann Womack, The Ennis Sisters and Alan Jackson.
Missed opportunity: Sigur Rós – the band could easily get one of the kids from their video to play the bells while the band droned through some Christmas standards. How hard would that be? Jon Birgisson wouldn’t even have to learn the words – he could just sing the melody in that pseudo-Icelandic gibberish. What are they waiting for? |
