| Let’s take a look at how various kinds of movie characters meet their makers. Not too close a look – I’m lazy. We’ll stick to barely researched, just-off-the-top-of-my-head generalizations for now. (Please forgive any cultural stereotypes in advance – this piece is not intended to be taken particularly seriously).
SAMURAI CINEMA
In the traditional samurai epic, there’s a right way to die, and everybody knows it. Typically, two warriors will stand still, eyeing one another for a moment. Then they draw swords and charge. Swoosh! They run past each other and freeze. A beat passes. Finally, one of the combatants drops dead silently (a fountain-like gush of arterial blood is optional). In extremely rare cases, the winner of the fight drops dead as well.
Other Japanese film styles are less formal: there’s the Giant Monster Film (victims get stepped on by Godzilla), the Yazuka film (anything goes) and the modern Japanese film (which, in many ways, now resembles Giallo cinema – see next entry).
GIALLO
A sub-genre of the horror film, this style of violent Italian mystery-thriller flourished from the mid-60s onward. A far cry from the silent dignified deaths of Samurai cinema, Giallo victims do not "go gentle into that good night."
Typically, a victim will be surprised by the murderer, who then stabs him or her 50 to 60 times. While this is going on, the victim runs, lurches or crawls all around the room, saying stuff like "Mama Mia! Wossa matter you? Why for you stabba me? You-a crazy!" etc. (Not really). Then the victim will lurch back to life and desperately try to phone the cops or write the killer’s name on a mirror, while being strangled with a phone cord or shower curtain. Finally, the victim will wake up again, just as the killer is dragging him/her off to the furnace/bandsaw/woodchipper to finish the job. Killing someone in a Giallo film burns a lot of calories.
The killer himself usually meets an equally convoluted fate, such as being mauled by police dogs and then chased off the roof of a building, falling onto a sharp spike, and getting run over by three buses and a steamroller.
CHILDREN’S CARTOONS
Surprisingly few deaths occur in this genre. If it’s an edgy animated TV show, a cuddly cartoon character might meet an abrupt end, only to inexplicably reappear later. "See kids? He’s OK after all!"
In Disney films, parental figures are occasionally killed offscreen (eg. Tarzan, Bambi). Also, villains get killed from time to time, often by accident.
WESTERN
I think we all know how this one goes. "I been lookin’ for you, Sheriff." "Well, you found me Bart." Bang bang! Thud.
CANADIAN CINEMA
Self-destruction seems to be the fashion here, with an alarmingly high percentage of Canadian film protagonists choosing to end their own lives. Motives include (but are not limited to): insanity (e.g., I Love A Man In Uniform), shame (M. Butterfly), transformation into "the new flesh"... whatever that means (Videodrome) or just wanting to get laid (Kissed).
ACTION FILMS SET ON TRAINS
Whenever a fist fight erupts on the roof of a fast-moving train, we can expect to see the bad guy meet his end when he fails to duck under a passing obstruction (tunnel, tree branch, water tower, etc.). Since there’s no name for this kind of film yet, I suggest we call them "Locomotive Noggin-Bonkers." |
