| So now that Mr. Smutty has packed up his furniture and his speedy 8088 and moved it to oranger pastures, who will bestow such banal wisdom upon us, the minor masses? Will there be a succession of readers pining for better days when tha' Smut ruled the roost in this glorious town? (Note to young chickens: you're safe once again!)
Will the offices of FstFwd literally grind to halt whilst they sift (remember all that grinding?) through all of the fan mail that will undoubtedly roll in off the mail truck illegally parked in the 10 min. loading zone outside even though we all know he's been there for at least 15 mins. – he just has his own piece of white chalk to strike his tires with that clever devil.
I suggest opening up the floodgates for a new, improved, yet slightly wacky (and most certainly tacky) free-flowing all-knowing barrage of newsworthy nonsense... since this is really what we will be missing from our weekly read.
Don't know ’bout you folks, but after a good long chew on the FstFwd's meat-slash-potatoes-but-please-hold-that-gravy-sir "real deal" articles, it's nice to relax with a piece of backpage BetCrock to "finish off the ’eve and get me ready for the night."
Anyhoo, this particular reader wants to know if there will be a city-wide selection for a new (but not necessarily improved) Mr. Smutty-ish type character to rent the "this-space-for-rent" part of the back page??
Suggestion numero two: Hold an audition ala the major motion picture Rock Star where each wanna-be Smutt-ee will arrive through the back door and have a "write-off." Set a time limit of 10 mins. in which prospective oh-let's-call-them-writers have to pen the vacated backpage article. A panel of judges will then weed out the bad articles from the not-quite-as-bad and then – violin! A new star is artificially created in a lab! The successive articles will literally write themselves....
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