| In a perverse twist on the True Hollywood Story, Disney brings to life an insipid tale about a talking band of grizzlies that reunite for a comeback show.
The template for the E! show – which usually follows a trajectory beginning with fame, moves into drug use and rock star excess and ends with either embarrassing "where are they now" segments or desperate stories about middle-aged musicians putting together a last-gasp road show – is transformed into a G-rated version with frightening puppet-like bears standing in for humans.
The Country Bears are a quartet of humanoid creatures that, when performing, sound like a watered down version of the Traveling Wilburys and maintain an inexplicably seamless existence within human society. It would be as if, when Gregor Samsa awoke from his sleep to discover he had become a grotesquely huge beetle, no one was bothered by the change. The bears here occupy a human space without any explanation – they walk, talk and live their lives as recognized members of this alternate universe.
The tenable story revolves around a pre-teen cub, Beary (voiced by Haley Joel Osment), who leaves his human family to meet his idols: the Country Bears. A young bear who feels oddly out of place, Beary is adored by his mother and father and harassed by his older brother (the only one in the film who seems to be aware that Beary is a former member of the animal kingdom).
After Beary asks that pressing childhood question, "Am I adopted?," his "older brother" takes rueful pleasure in showing the impressionable little grizzly the steel trap his parents rescued him from.
What’s a little cub to do? Run away, of course. Beary heads straight for the Country Bear Hall, the famed spot where the Country Bears once performed (think the Grand Ole Opry crossed with a log cabin).
When the cub arrives he discovers that the "historic" landmark is in danger of being torn down by a malevolent banker (Christopher Walken). In order to raise the $20,000 needed to save the building, Beary convinces the Country Bears to reunite for one last show. So they dust off the old tour bus and hit the road, trying to round up the old gang and convince them to come back for one last hurrah.
Based on an attraction at Disneyworld called the Country Bear Jamboree, this debacle proves that studios have no shame when it comes to finding source material for their films. It’s not surprising that The Country Bears feels like an extended commercial, with various interchangeable musical interludes that look more like a Britney Spears Pepsi ad than a Britney Spears music video (but is there a difference?). |
