Nineteen things I hate about you, if your name is K-19
Even Han Solo has to pay the rent
REVIEW
K-19: THE WIDOWMAKER
Starring Harrison Ford and Liam Neeson
Directed by Kathryn Bigelow
Now showing
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As far as genre pictures go, submarine movies have a ton of potential. The claustrophobic tension, the microscopic look at the chain of command as a metaphor for the lumbering inefficiency of the modern war machine, the minute exploration of everyday life and, most importantly, cast members screaming "Dive! Dive!"
So why shouldn’t you beat the heat and check out the latest subaquatic adventure K-19: Widowmaker. I’ll give you 19 reasons:
1. It's inspired by true events.
2. Academy Award nominee Liam Neeson.
3. "You got lucky this time. I hope I’m on another boat when your luck runs out."
4. When a crucial piece of instrumentation doesn’t work, crew members tap the gauge until it gives the reading that they want.
5. Computer-generated footage of the submarine passing by the camera.
6. Harrison Ford hasn’t made a good movie in 10 years.
7. Running time: 138 minutes.
8. American actors playing Russian soldiers speaking English with bad accents....
9. ...yet all the controls, maps and reading materials are in Russian.
10. In an attempt to lighten the mood, the camera follows the pratfalls of the galley crew trying to catch the food falling off the counters as the ship takes evasive maneuvers.
11. The crew assembles for a photograph, at which time the movie switches into still-frame black-and-white.
12. A computer-generated shot of a soccer ball.
13. "He did it! He made himself a hero!"
14. The entire cast in old-age makeup.
15. Tom Stoppard did a rewrite on the script, but opted to go uncredited.
16. Run Silent Run Deep is better.
17. Das Boot is better.
18. Hell, even Yellow Submarine is better.
19. Enough with the computer-generated footage of the submarine already. We get it – the ship is really, really, really big. So what? |
