| Film lovers are in Big Trouble
REVIEW
BIG TROUBLE
Starring: Tim Allen and Rene Russo
Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld
Now showing
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Phew! As a dear friend of mine says, "I’ll never get that hour-and-a-half of my life back." So as my civic duty to you, dear reader, I will save you the $12 it costs to see Big Trouble at the local Collosusplex (or even the 99 cents it will cost to rent the video when it hits the old release wall, which shouldn't take long).
Where to begin? Well, it’s all crap, so I can start anywhere really. How about with condolences to the excellent actors dragged into this mess. Poor Stanley Tucci, a fabulous comedic actor who bravely tries to pull this dog out of the mire. And poor Jason Lee, usually a fine character actor, is stuck looking like Jesus and talking like Chong.
The story is a series of improbable events that lead to armed ex-convicts toting a nuclear device to a plane bound for the Bahamas. While these guys know that the Bahamas exist, they have a difficult time understanding the concept of "Arrivals" and "Departures" at the airport. Unfortunately for all travellers out of Miami Airport, the bombers are actually smarter than the security people who have the device turned on to prove it is – wait for it – a garbage disposal unit.
Meanwhile, back at the Stupid Factory, our hero (Tim Allen) is an ex-newspaper humorist who was supposedly funny in that career, but has since been fired – apparently the newspaper copyrighted his sense of humour, because he's not funny now.
Allen’s character is hated by his son. So he decides to win his son’s love by stopping the idiots with the bomb. He has also fallen in love with his neighbour’s wife, whose daughter just happens to be on board the plane in danger. Meanwhile, I’m in danger of rolling my eyes right out of their sockets.
Oh, there are stoic Russians, cranky hitmen, brain-dead cops, snarky FBI guys and, yes, as you remember from the trailer, goats. Who cares who they all are? Who cares what their relation is to the point of the movie? For the audience, all it does is lead to an existential breakdown on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
Frankly, I would have accepted all this if there was anything in this movie that was funny. Even jokes that teetered on funny were totally blown by bad timing. It could have been "funny-stupid," "funny-childish," "funny-gross" – anything!
So save yourself. Save your money. Save your soul. Don’t go to see Big Trouble. |
