Community notes
Making the world a better place, one filthy lie at a time
Just saw a commercial for a major motion picture called – yow! – It’s All About The Benjamins. Jiminy Cricket on a crutch, I couldn’t believe my cauliflower ears. I didn’t even think uncool white people "busted" that tired phrase anymore (I say this as the owner of the uncoolest, whitest ass in the known world) (photos avail. upon request) (no cops, pls.), let alone would have the pendulous cojones to name a flick after it. On the other hand, it kinda gives me hope. Maybe I should dig out my dogeared treatments for Where’s The Beef? (a romantic comedy about British livestock inspectors finding love during difficult times), Show Me The Money (a workplace satire about myopic coin-collectors), and Well, Excuuuuuuuuse Me (a comedy of manners). But my real quibble is the sentiment itself: life isn’t about money, it’s about community. Call me a dirty red, but community is where it’s at. And so I offer you, the community-minded reader, the following community notes from which to pick/choose. You & only you can help make the world a better place. Power to the people!
This Wednesday, the Good Times Youth Theatre Players present a special encore charity presentation of Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesmen...On Ice. You have not truly thrilled to the exploits of Willy, Happy, and Biff until you’ve thrilled to ‘em (the exploits I mean) down at the hockey rink. Due to exorbitant licensing fees, the play will be retitled Daddy’s Home! and it’s sort of a musical the way they do it, but guys like you & me know the real score. $5 at the door, bring a sweater.
Don’t forget: if it’s Tuesday, then it must be Ratatouille Night over at Our Lady of Perpetual Free Grub. Bring yr appetite & baggy pants.
This Saturday, the Weasel Scouts will once again be going door-to-door collecting shattered hopes & dreams. Note: due to changes in recycling legislation, the boys are no longer able to accept unfulfilled ambitions.
Don’t let the cold weather prevent you from making new friends! The Social Pariahs Fun Club huddles outside the Baxter Building fire exits from 8:15 to 8:30 am, sometime around 10, noon to 1, and 3:30 pm every weekday. (No meetings on stat holidays.) New members always welcome, esp. if they have their own lighter.
Satanic Bible Studies are held every other Thursday morning over at the rec centre. Free Harry Potter facepainting for the kids.
A host family is needed for a parasitic house guest. Must be able to commit to at least 6 months b/c who wants to move every few weeks? That’s right, nobody does. Call me for details.
The Desolation Meadows Community Association (DMCA) is looking for a new despot to "take charge" this spring. Anyone can apply for this unpaid position (looks great on a resumé!), as long as they live w/in the established DMCA boundaries: east of Westlake Blvd., west of Eastman St., south of the Northtown Expressway, and north of the dump. Applicants need not have their own iron fist, as the DMCA bought one w/ proceeds from last fall’s bake sale. It’s a nice one, drop by the community centre to check it out.
The Liars’ Club meets Mondays at a golden palace encrusted w/ priceless gems. It’s way up high on a magical mountain. Caviar will be served by sexy centaurs, and everyone in attendance will receive wheelbarrows of money. Pre-registration req’d.
There will be a ham supper this Friday at my neighbours’ place just like there always is. Geez, those people are creatures of habit. Would it kill them to try something new? No, it would not. Anyway, I know for a fact they don’t lock the garage door. Dinner is served around 7. Trust me, it’s best if you don’t call first. |
