| Corpses for that Special Someone
It may be a little late for that perfect gift this year. You searched the malls and specialty boutiques, and failed miserably on the overly ambitious homemade candles/ soap/ essential oils/ sockmonkey idea. Well, look on the bright side, there's always next year – and if you start planning now, you, too, can give the gift that lasts a lifetime. Nothing says "thinking of you" like a corpse.
At corpsesforsale.com you can order your very own, lovingly handmade corpse courtesy of Di Stefano Productions. The basic male and female styles are offered (Burnt Reynolds is destined to be a hot item), in addition to the mummy and vampire selections. Of course, a quality corpse ain't cheap – a female with glowing eyes will run you about $750 US, but you can always opt for the cheaper severed arm or Vampire Hunter's Kit (for display purposes only, kids). How lifelike are the corpses? They've been featured on The View talk show and I still can't tell who the real Barbara Walters is! If you still think you can do better, there is a Build Your Own Corpse manual for sale.
There really is something for everyone – even if you're not into corpses. Get Salem Death Warrants for you and all your witch friends! Own the "Fetus in a Petri Dish" that was banned in China and too shocking for Jerry Springer! Not looking to purchase any corpses at this time? Be sure to at least read the hate mail, or send some of your own. Something like, "Hey asshole, why aren't there any corpse baby-Ts?" |
