FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 2000. All Rights Reserved

Street Sounds by Aubrey McInnis No one knows Halloween like the lead singer of Forbidden Dimension, Jackson Phibes. The king of ghoul cool shares his tips on celebrating a truly diabolical All Hallow’s Eve. (1) Stock the moat! Very important! A selection of nasty Amazonian varieties will do, naturally. (2) Make sure you have plenty of treats on hand for the little ones: mousetraps are popular, live weasels, hairballs and, of course, those yellow, spongy little banana candies.... (3) Mood music for when you are hustling about. Nothing gets you in the spirit of things better than mood music. The original Broadway cast recording of "Irricana After Midnight" always lights my particularly dark tunnel. A sound effects album featuring lots of horse-and-buggy accidents can be uplifting. Also, anything by Harvey Clott and his Painfully Obvious Municipal Tin Contraption Marching Orchestra will inspire shivers in even the most jaded fright-freak. 4. Decorate! Decorate! Decorate! Dried hands make for wonderfully creepy attention getters. Dead robins can be arranged to spell out favourite Halloween slogans (like "ixnay" and "lumox"). Leftovers from a bucket of Kentucky Boiled Owl can make fabulous garlands. Hold everything together with toe jam from a paralytic gibbon. 5. Decorate! 6. Invite all the people who you owe money to over for a Halloween feast. Lock them in the basement! Forget about ’em ’til next Halloween! 7. Leave out lotsa extra creamy milk and tasty goldfish for the neigbourhood strays (black cats and otherwise). 8. Watch a few movies. Anything from 1905 will do. A truly vintage year. 9. Keep plenty of little silverfish underfoot. Nothing will wipe away those occasional holiday blues than having company around. 10. Take a trip down to Vic Park. Hole up in the cellar of an old dwelling slated for demolition and amuse youself by injecting printer's ink into the veins of your teddy bear. Laugh maniacally. 11. When you've finished this task, read a creepy book by hazard light. Some of my favourites include Yes I Can by the Baron Gilles de Rais, No More Mr. Nice Guy by Vlad Tepes, Look Young, Feel Young by Elizabeth Bathory and Irricana: Secrets of the City by Jimmy Martin.... 12. Dress up to get messed up! Halloween down at the Severed Arms is a popular annual event. A costume like the one worn by my cousin Schlepp last year (naked but for a boar’s head and jackboots) will be sure to win you a prize. 13. GO SEE THE FORBIDDEN DIMENSION at the Night Gallery on October 27 (with Scarolyn Mark and Her Tombmates)!

| Back To This Issue Table of Contents | Back To Main Index |