FFWD Weekly
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Video Vulture by John Tebbutt I can’t get enough of the Muppets. One of my all-time favourite TV shows is The Muppet Show. Many of the classic bits from this series are available on tape, as part of Jim Henson’s Muppet Video series. There has been a moratorium on these tapes for years, but old copies can still be found in some video stores. (My collection is almost complete – although if anybody out there knows where I can find a copy of Fozzie’s Muppet Scrapbook, I’d love to hear from you!) · The Muppet Revue: One of the most enjoyable tapes of the series, this collection of music and miscellany is definitely worth owning. Classic Moment: The Ma-Na Ma-Na sketch. Absolute brilliance. It’s a good thing that Jim Henson had his own show and could call the shots – just imagine trying to pitch this idea to a board of directors.... "Okay, so, like, we’ve got this shaggy-looking singing monster who comes out and sings "Ma-Na Ma-Na," right? And then two back-up monsters sing "Doot doo doo doo doo." Repeat. Then, the lead singer starts to improvise: "Ma na na NA NA mana Nuh!" You know, scatting. Jazzy. The other monsters just glare at him like he’s insane, so he goes back to singing "Ma-Na Ma-Na." Hilarious! After you see it, you’ll be singing nonsense for decades! Ha ha ha ha ha!" (pause) "Um... so what do you think, guys?" (silence) (meekly) "Ma-Na Ma-Na." · Rowlf’s Rhapsodies: This tape features several catchy numbers, including Fats Waller’s "Your Feets Too Big" reinterpreted as a romantic duet (!) Classic moment: By far, the most disturbing thing on this tape is the sight of sweet, innocent little Marissa Berenson singing "You’re Always Welcome In Our House." This apple-cheeked pixie cavorts about the set, occasionally revealing where her victim’s bodies are concealed, while chirping horrifying lyrics like "The lady came to our house, our house, our house – the lady came to find out why I was not in school. So we asked her to come in, and we gave her some poison lemonade, and we hid her in the freezer where it’s nice and cool." It’s like a nursery rhyme performed by the psycho family from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. · Gonzo Presents Muppet Weird Stuff: Ahh... pure weirdness. This one has plenty of indescribably odd tidbits. Most of the classic "Planet Koozebane" segments can be found here, including my favourite, in which a colony of subterranean aliens happily blow steam through the tops of their heads and say "Myrtle a dop" repeatedly, until they are interrupted by wacky astronaut Dom DeLuise. If you haven’t seen this sketch, there’s no way I can accurately describe its inspired ridiculousness. If you have seen it, you’re probably already laughing from the memory. Classic moment: The Muppets put their unique spin on a performance of "Jabberwocky," bellowing their nonsensical lines like a bunch of histrionic 5th Graders in a school play. Sample dialogue includes the following exchange: Scooter: "The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame, came whiffling through the tulgey wood, and burbled as it came." Jabberwock: "Burble burble." · The Kermit & Piggy Story: A tape focusing on several highlights from the ongoing, er, "romance" between Kermit and Miss Piggy. Classic moment: Kermit conducts an a capella band as they sing "Temptation." In the back row is a certain Miss Piggy, in one of her first Muppet Show performances, allowing herself to get a bit overheated as the rather lascivious song proceeds. By the end, she’s barged her way to the front, and is practically sexually assaulting Kermit as she bellows horny lyrics in his face. Kermit tries to ignore her advances, and feebly tries to keep conducting, until he’s finally pulled down out of frame by the amorous porker.

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