FFWD Weekly
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Music by Mary-Lynn McEwen Bif Naked Coca Cola Stage July 15 Epiphanies are not uncommon after a half-bottle of tequila, but when this sordid image assaulted my eyes, the bottle’s remainder nearly hit the bottom of the trash. For there, among the mind-candy reading of Glamour magazine, was a four-page advertising feature that brought the agave’s charms into question. Sultry, generic and thoroughly boring looking singers named Angela Via, Lina and suspected past prom queen Debelah Morgan lounged in gossamer slip dresses and a wading pool of makeup, and there, sharing the page though not likely much conversation nor philosophy, her Elvira hair swinging and Cleopatra eyes flaming with self-confidence, smiled Bif. Our Bif. Yes, Bif whose pierced lips could pierce a heart with but a flicker. And if her tattoos seemed out of place in that tomb of tortured hair, then the Gloria Vanderbilt jeans that caressed her butt were like an affront to the memory of Gorilla Gorilla. And Bif, I’ve seen your butt in person and it’s a marvelous artifact, an inspiration really. Those damn socialite branded jeans do it no justice. "Yeah, I know those jeans make your butt look flat," she says. "But I was the only one who’d put them on. None of the other girls would wear them." Leave it to brave Bif to don said jeans and leave her competition behind. And as for the fact that Bif is actually in limp company for being in such a shallow magazine, well, I guess she’s no worse for being in it than I am for reading it. "It’s sell, sell, sell. That’s what it’s about. Do you know how many people that reaches who wouldn’t otherwise have a chance to hear about or know about my music? And then they might actually think about some things that they wouldn’t otherwise have considered. They might wake up." Judging by her freshly inked modeling contract and recent appearance in Vogue, Bif will be seen and heard. And if, your first introduction to the singer was about 10 years ago, around the time when she and her Gorilla Gorilla band graced the cover of an independent Vancouver weekly with a smouldering androgynous look that was certain to hit either gender in the genitals on first glance, around the time she came to Sparky’s and sang until her lungs threatened to escape her mouth at a gig where there were no holds barred and much skin bared, the idea that Bif will be heard is an absolute, a prophecy we recognized nearly a decade ago. Then the image of beatific Bif in Vogue or Glamour is actually pretty cool. One of those Trojan horse type things. Especially if it leads people to listen to I Bificus, her successful 1998 second album that was recently released in the States and is lengthening stride there under the whip hand of the single "Lucky," or to Another 5 Songs and a Poem, a Canadian offering of the U.S. "Lucky" remix and a poem which talks about the one billion people worldwide who have no access to clean drinking water. It was possibly inspired by Bif’s recent trip to India, her first time back to the place she was born, which helped Bif reconsider her priorities in life. "It was one of those life-changing trips. When there’s children who aren’t even three years old begging on the street, and there’s no water, and whole families are living like that. Now when I see people begging back home (Vancouver) I have no patience. The truth is, there is no poverty in Canada compared to that – not three-year-olds on the street so their families can survive. We have other options, other opportunities here." And as Bif turns 30 this year, there is one slightly less global but rather life-altering matter that has presented itself for her immediate attention. "Boy, you know when your mother does that talk at puberty and shows you how to use the pads and stick them on and stuff? She should also talk to you about this. She should warn you about what happens to a woman at 30. (Your sex drive) – it’s out of control!" Aahh – now that’s something that even cellophane serenaders Lina and Angela Via might appreciate being warned about.

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