FFWD Weekly
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Video Vulture by John Tebbutt Nothing pleases me more than seeing a weird, obscure Video Vulture-type movie get mentioned in a mainstream film. · American Beauty (1999): As if this marvelous Oscar-winning picture didn’t have enough going for it, it also gleefully endorses one of my favourite gore-comedies. The scene in question takes place just after Kevin Spacey’s character meets his new neighbour’s son at a stifling party. The two of them sneak outside to smoke a joint, and are soon chuckling merrily and reminiscing about a certain classic of trash cinema. "Y’ever see that movie where the guy’s carrying around his own head... then the head goes down on that girl? RE-ANIMATOR!!!" This scene put a smile on my face, and if it encourages more people to check out Re-Animator (1985), I’ll be even happier. (Conversely, Re-Animator fans – and everybody else – should check out American Beauty. It’s a treat.) A word of caution: when seeking Re-Animator on video, be sure and rent the 86-minute unrated version. The longer R-rated version has removed all of the blood and nudity (along with most of the notorious severed-head-cunnilingus scene), replacing them with pointless padding from the cutting-room floor. · Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation (1991): Even if you’re not a fan of Steven Spielberg’s Tiny Toon Adventures (a cartoon series that can best be described as Bugs Bunny: The Next Generation) this direct-to-video animated feature is great fun. There’s plenty of slapstick and wackiness, but some of the jokes are aimed at the adults in the audience, and will shoot straight over the little one’s heads. (A kid’s cartoon that makes reference to Deliverance!? Cripes!!) Fans of obscure British science fiction will get a kick out of one scene in particular: Babs Bunny dips her toe into the river, and it comes out with what appears to be a big amorphous blob attached to it. "It’s The Creeping Unknown!!!" she shrieks. "Get it off! Get it off!" The Creeping Unknown (1956) is, of course, the American release title for Hammer Studios’ exciting sci-fi thriller The Quatermass Experiment, and yes, it’s about a carnivorous blob. The story (adapted from a BBC-TV miniseries) introduces Dr. Quatermass, a strong-willed rocket scientist who doesn’t take any crap from alien invaders. In a nutshell, one of Quatermass’s buddies goes up in a rocketship, comes back as a blob and eats Westminster Abbey. The good guys use electricity to sizzle the otherworldly menace. (This is an improvement over the original TV script, in which they talk the blob into committing suicide.) The film is now available on video as The Quatermass XPeriment, and is well worth checking out. (The odd spelling of "xperiment" was used in the original release to emphasize the adults-only X-certificate it was released under. It would probably be rated PG today.) · Free Enterprise (1999): This movie is crammed so full of pop culture references, you can’t close the lid. One of the protagonists is a dedicated fanboy who lets his phone get disconnected, but spends a fortune on Star Trek Christmas ornaments and suchlike. After expressing his dismay that women seem to be more interested in shoes than in really cool stuff like phasers and tricorders, he meets the perfect woman in a comic book store. (They fight over the last hardcover copy of The Sandman, and he suddenly realizes he’s met the woman of his dreams.) Later, he introduces his new girlfriend to some co-workers. "Is it true that you like Tombs of the Blind Dead?" one of them asks, agog. "Yes," she replies, "particularly the flashback scene, where the Knights Templar sacrifice that woman and drink her blood." The guys stare at her in awe. "You’re a lucky man, dude," one of them comments. Tombs of the Blind Dead (1972) is a classic of gruesome Spanish/Portuguese cinema. The above-mentioned Templar Knights become blind zombies who ride their horses in slow motion (very cool) and locate their victims by sound. You can try to hide from them by remaining absolutely still and quiet, but the Blind Dead will find you anyway, because they can hear your heart beat! As pointed out in Free Enterprise, women who like this stuff are hard to find, and should be cherished.

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