FFWD Weekly
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Video Vulture by John Tebbutt The following three films all deal with diehard Star Trek fans, and their reactions to meeting their favourite starship captain in the flesh. · Free Enterprise (1999): To say that this unusual comedy is filled with pop culture references is to seriously understate the case. The script, with its constant acknowledgment of such arcana as Logan’s Run and The X-Men, could be seen as a work written entirely in a language I call "geekspeak." (I’m ashamed to admit that I understood every word.) The story involves the careers and love lives of a pair of 30-year-old Star Trek fans who happen to spot their idol, William Shatner (playing himself), thumbing through a porno magazine in a used bookshop. Reeling with excitement and disbelief, they briefly toy with the idea of giving Shatner his privacy, although they know in the end that they’re not going to. ("For 20 years, idiots have been running up to Bill and saying stupid shit to him. Why do you want to be like one of those guys?" "Because it’s my turn!") Of course, childhood heroes can be a lot different when seen up close, and Shatner ruins their high opinion of him by pitching a monumentally ill-advised movie idea to them. (A musical version of Julius Caesar with Bill playing all of the parts... except Calpurnia. "I want Sharon Stone for that.") You’ll be amazed that Shatner had the nerve to lampoon himself so mercilessly. He even makes fun of his notorious singing career, and the sight of Shatner doing a hip hop version of Mark Antony’s speech is worth the rental price all by itself. · Trekkies (1999): This one-of-a-kind documentary takes a revealing look at Star Trek fans of the most dedicated variety. These people are fully aware that the Real World exists... they just aren’t particularly interested in living there. We see a Trek-themed dentist’s office, a woman who did jury duty at the Whitewater trial dressed as a Starfleet officer, and a female fan who owns more photos of Brent Spiner than any one person should be allowed to have. In addition to the fans, we also hear from Star Trek actors, who can’t help but feel touched and grateful for all of the admiration they receive whenever they attend conventions. The sheer level of devotion from the interviewed fans is always surprising and often funny, although I’m enough of a geek myself that I could never feel contempt for any of these people. (Just as well – contempt is my least favourite emotion.) It’s certainly a unique viewing experience, and well worth renting. · William Shatner Lent Me His Hairpiece (1997): William Shatner has a worldwide network of devoted fans. He also wears a toupee. Coincidence? Ken Hegan doesn’t think so. This hilarious seven-minute short film (adapted from a radio play) hypothesizes that he purchased it from a mysterious street vendor in exchange for his soul. Writer/director/star Ken Hegan relates the astonishing story of how he briefly came into possession of this furry talisman, and how it transformed him into the World’s Greatest Lover while its original owner reeled with withdrawal pangs. The story just gets sillier and sillier, climaxing with a ludicrous fight scene in which the enraged Shatner uses his incredible shape-changing powers to try and flatten Ken. ("Shatner turned into a tiara! A brooch! My ex-girlfriend who makes more money than me! The Trans-Canada Highway!") Hegan completely disregards such mundane concerns as grammar, continuity and convincing special effects, and puts all his effort into making this bizarre cinematic tidbit goofy and fun. (The actor playing Shatner bears no resemblance to Kirk whatsoever – it’s probably the same guy who played him on the radio). Sure it looks like it was made over the weekend on a $60 budget, but I’d much rather watch this than those stupid "A part of our heritage" Canadian vignettes they show in movie theatres before the main feature. Ken Hegan has also made radio plays entitled Anne Murray Is Stalking Me, and Farley Mowat Ate My Brother (the latter has also been made into a short film). Readers interested in sampling Hegan’s unique art should write to him at Suite A, 3020 West 3rd Avenue, Vancouver, B.C.; V6K 1N1 or send e-mail to treason77@hotmail.com.

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