FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 2000. All Rights Reserved

Viewpoint by Hamish MacAulay Dear Mother: You have only been missing from this mortal coil for a couple of years, but it is already time for an update on your deathbed predictions. Preston Manning will be the Reform Party's only leader. Stockwell Day's fat head will land him in Ottawa. Jean Chretien will die in office. Paul Martin will never be prime minister. You have one down and three on the ropes. The Reform Party committed a charming, democratic form of ritual suicide on the weekend. The grassroots did what they were told, and 92 per cent voted in favour of becoming a mainstream political party, the Canadian Alliance. It was Preston Manning's victory. He persevered when all was dark for the "united alternative" and made it happen. At the risk of being a nitpicker, however, I must say the party is neither united nor an alternative. The Conservatives are still a growing concern (a small one anyway), and the new party threw the Reform's unique grassroots and political system policies out the window. The Reform Party didn't disappear the way you expected, but Presto Manning did end up being its only leader. At the height of Reform's popularity, Presto simply declared it obsolete and its members voted it out of existence. At least they avoided the kind of public spectacle that makes people look away in embarrassment, such as the Progressive Conservative party’s current death throes. (Mitzy is trying to write a song on the electric organ about Reform's passing, but it always ends up sounding like American Pie or Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.) The talking heads expressed the right sentiments about not forgetting the past, but us Westerners know we sold our voice to Ontario for a chance to gain power. The Alliance has not shaken all the Reform dust off yet. In a first for a national party's leadership race, the two front-runners come from Alberta. Sure, there're some guys from Ontario in the race, but Presto and the Stocker are the main attractions so far. As for prediction number two, Stocker says he will try to get to Ott-eh-wah as an Alliancer even if he loses the leadership. True to the formalities of leadership races, all the candidates stated they want a clean fight. No personal attacks for us, we're Alliancers. That should last until the hopefuls realize that they’re about as far apart on the issues as flies on manure. Exactly how many unique approaches to a flat tax can you have? Unfortunately, a scrap between Presto and Stocker on personality would be a fight between unarmed men. I'm sure they are full of character in private, but these two have spent so long polishing their public images that their personalities have disappeared in political ambition and the over-zealous handling of their smart-ass advisors. It will be an American-style, gimme-the-polls-and-tell-me-what-to-say leadership race. If we are lucky, the veneer might crack and give us a glimpse of a real person. Otherwise, we will never know who Prestwell Manday really is, and the vote will bringing a whole new meaning to the concept of a secret ballot. Meanwhile, Jean Chretien took one step closer to dying in office as the leader of the natural governing party of Canada. His hand forced by Paul Martin supporters, J.C. pulled his tight reins on the party even tighter and made it clear he wasn't going anywhere until after the next election. The Liberal's notorious party discipline kicked in, and everybody lined up to express undying support for the Great Leader. J.C. was so invigorated by the exercise, he went out and played nice with Ralph Klein on health care. Like a gopher flushed out of his home by 50 gallons of water, poor little Paulie Martin's leadership hopes were laid out to fester in the sun. With the smell of death about him, Paulie is left wondering if he can sit around punching numbers for another four years. But in four years, Paulie will somehow be too old to lead the Liberals. J.C. at 66 is apparently too old right now, despite the fact the great saviour of American conservatives, Ronald Ray-gun, was 72 when he was re-elected in 1984 and less than a decade from debilitating Alzheimer's when he left office. I know you could have run the country better than the whole lot of them at the age of 92. Love, your son Stanley Angus

| Back To This Issue Table of Contents | Back To Main Index |