FFWD Weekly
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Film by FFWD Staff Romeo Must Die STARRING: Jet Li, Aaliyah and Isaiah Washington DIRECTED BY: Andrzej Bartkowiak Now playing check listings I went into this really expecting to hate it. And as much as I sniggered and snorted at the ridiculousness of it all, I couldn’t hate Romeo Must Die. Maybe it’s because of the fairly strong acting, or maybe because it didn’t take itself too seriously, or likely because it all but gave up any pretense of being Romeo and Juliet from the first frame. (It also gave up most of the pretense of being San Francisco and melted into being Vancouver after the credits rolled.) Whatever it was, I watched the whole thing without really needing to leave the theatre. It opens with a hilariously over-the-top scene that includes a young bad-ass Chinese guy in a black nightclub, with his bitches who are trying to outdo each other in being sexy for him – this, of course, includes having sex on the dancefloor for his titillation. It’s enough to set off racial slurs and a big ol’ kung fu fight between the Chinese-Americans and the African-Americans. And because we’re all Americans here, when your knuckles get tired, there are plenty of guns for everyone. The young Chinese bad-ass gets his, and suddenly we’re whisked away to beautiful Hong Kong, where a man in jail gets so mad about the death of the bad-ass he finally uses his super kung fu powers to break out of jail. This after being inside for who-knows-how-long. The man, who turns out to be Han, brother of the bad-ass, makes his way to America, where the first thing he does is steal a cab. Who flags his cab? Why, it’s Trish, the daughter of the number-one suspect in the bad-ass killing, that’s who. But instead of wreaking his revenge on her, he falls in love with her. (This is the hint o’ Shakespeare part of the show. I know, it’s a small hint.) Han is played very gently but with a fair amount of determination by Hong Kong superstar Jet Li. Then there’s an extended period of time where there are no super, colossal fights or stunts that sometimes involve X-rays of the people being beaten up (so you can see for yourself just how bad you can get hurt in a flying kick to the sternum). Then there’s a few sweet scenes of Trish and Han falling for each other. One involves her nearly getting him killed in a football game to show how much he cares. And then there’s more action. Along the way there is some sort of story about the NFL, and how, in order to get a franchise you have to kill and steal and take over the waterfront in San Francisco (which looks suspiciously like Burrard Inlet). Plus – and I’m not 100 per cent sure about this, because it was only mentioned once – I think Han was a cop in Hong Kong. But there is no back story to explain this, or why he was in jail in the first place. But who cares? We’re here for the spinning kicks and the big dumb bodyguards who get beat up over and over. And by God, that’s what they deliver when they aren’t wasting our time on a dopey plot.

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