FFWD Weekly
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Cruising The Cosmos by The Kid HOROSCOPES FOR APRIL 1 TO APRIL 7 ARIES: Now that your task has finally been completed, it's time for your ass to be seated. Stay lo-pro and rein in your ego ’cause if you start prancin' around the place like a prima donna, respect for you will wilt faster than a flower in a sauna. TAURUS: Look, just ’cause you're what they call a fixed sign it don't mean that you can't ever change. Heck, sometimes you've got no choice, like this weekend. But for as big a pain in the butt it can be, you should be aware that it can be a blessin' and not necessarily something to battle against. GEMINI: Y'know, following your heart is cool and everything, but if you're not careful you could end up causin' yourself way more work than it's worth. Chasin' after everything shiny and glittery might only get you the world's biggest collection of cigarette foil and pop can tabs. Cool! CANCER: You've got your work cut out for you, crabster. Spring is the time to tidy up all the dead rot in the yard and your life, as well. Rake up all the scattered thoughts layin' around and get out the ol' pooper scooper to clean up all the crap that's accumulated recently. It makes playing in there a whole lot more pleasurable. LEO: Now don't go doin' something dopey this week to prove that you ain't no cowardly lion. Impulsively pouncing to protect your rep could do more damage than pump it up. Especially if you're bein' played. VIRGO: You Virgos are renown for your super selective taste, so when you have an overpowering desire for something, you're willin' to do whatever you need to attain it ’cause it's well worth it. You'll work you ass off for it, try to trade for it and you'll even go outside of the rules to get it. But have you ever tried just asking for help? LIBRA: Havin' your bubble burst on you is always a big league bummer. But luckily, since you hold the scales of balance, you'll be well aware of the good that comes out of it as well as the bad. That should make it much easier to grin and bear it. SCORPIO: Like all good loyal subjects of Bacchus, you tend to get some of your best ideas when you're blotto. The problem is trying to put it into practice while you're still pickled is a piss-poor strategy. Implement the idea when you're straight or no matter how good the notion, the product you'll hate. SAGITTARIUS: This weekend the Moon's in your sign and you'll be hooked up to the divine, so pay damn close attention to what comes in over the line. It may seem like a silly idea now, but someday it's gonna set you up for success. And that ain't no BS. CAPRICORN: Y'know Cappy, you've got to chill out a little bit on the material side of things. When you put your stake in stuff, it's easier to get stressed out. Try centering your attention on yourself rather than what you possess and you'll find out what you'll have for your whole entire life, not just until the next model comes out. AQUARIUS: Though you may not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, rest assured that all the hard work you've done so far will bring you there sooner than you think. It's a good thing too, ’cause you’re not exactly known for your patience, are you? PISCES: Pisces, you've been in the same pool for too damn long and you're startin' to notice that it's stagnatin'. Problem is, you're too scared to set out for somethin' new. Well, so was the first fish to find itself on shore, but after it had a whiff of pure uncut oxygen, there was no goin' back. Heck, we're still here!

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