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CRUISING THE COSMOS
by The Kid
HOROSCOPES FOR SEPTEMBER 24 TO 30
LIBRA: If you wanna know how really good luck will screw you up, just ask a lotto winner. Oh, wait. You don't have to. You're gonna get some gargantuan "good" fortune, and rather than the answer to your dreams it'll tear apart everything at the seams. Now that doesn't mean you're gonna lose everything, it just means you've got a lot of sewin' to do.
SCORPIO: Somebody or something will change your mind by the weekend from a state of break to a state of mend. Not so that you're just fixing stuff around work or the house, but also your relationships with people. It not only takes less work than fightin' them all the time, but you can grab a lot more with a partner in crime.
SAGITTARIUS: With your spirits up and your judgment down this weekend, you're sittin' pretty to be picked out by the Prince of Darkness. Don't let the sexy horns and smooth talkin' persuade you. It's still Satan! Gettin' somethin' for nothin' may seem like a good idea at the time, but it's actually on credit and payback's a bitch.
CAPRICORN: That crazy scheme that you thought was a dream could end up being more than it seems. Take a gamble and let the chips fall where they may. It may take a couple of weeks or it may take a day, but you can't rake in the pot unless you're dealt in and you play.
AQUARIUS: Y'know, there's a reason why you're so independent and that's because you're kind of a control freak. Not where other people are concerned, but over yourself. That's why you don't want to ask for help here. If you hand over your problems, someone else'll solve 'em, but you won't have any say in the matter. If you just think about 'em all alone, you'll eventually solve 'em on terms of your own.
PISCES: This is a week where you as a fish must sprout yourself some little legs and evolve. Once you crawl up on the beach, though, the rules change. Where life with the waterfolk was once about going with the flow, us mammals like to make sure anyone that messes with our molehill gets mauled.
ARIES: When all is said and done you're not a sore loser, you're just a serious competitor. At least, that's what you think, isn't it? You may feel that you're often misunderstood, but maybe that's because the only way to make others believe is by how you behave.
TAURUS: It may seem pretty bad before the weekend, but for you, failing is probably one of the most fortunate fates that could befall you. Y'see, it seems that only when you foul it up and make a fool of yourself do you find it within you to begin to fulfill your true potential.
GEMINI: You'll be in fine form this weekend while your two faces fight each other and you stand in the middle gettin' flailed by their ferocity. Well they're only fightin' for attention and you're givin' 'em plenty. If both sides are ignored they'll soon get so bored that they'll actually start playing with each other.
CANCER: Just when you thought that your preparations were done and it's time to start hibernatin,' somethin' is gonna change your mind. Yessiree, you've got a lot more nuts to find if you wanna make it all the way through winter because according to the ol' Farmer's Almanac, this one's gonna be a tough grind.
LEO: For a warrior like you, it's hard to believe that sometimes military objectives can be reached by non-forceful means. What you may consider a strategic strongpoint that overlooks a vast area might just be a big ol' pile of garbage to them. You could probably just have it if you asked nicely for it.
VIRGO: This is mostly a week for makin' whoopee, what with Mae West havin' possessed your feminine side and Don Juan leadin' on the masculine. Like them, it'll be easier to be easy if you don't think about it too much, so just get out there and do it while you've still got the touch!
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