FFWD Weekly
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| CRUSING THE COSMOS HOROSCOPES FOR APRIL 9 TO 15 ARIES: 'Member the classic cartoon gag where some poor sucker (usually that Wile E. Coyote sap) walks off a cliff and the laws of gravity don't apply until they look down and realize there's nothin' underneath 'em? Well, that's you this weekend so whatever you do, don't look down unless you've got on those Acme Anti-Gravity Boots you ordered after the last episode. TAURUS: With the Moon opposing your natal Sun, you'll be more prone to debauchery this weekend. Great! Just what you needed, huh? If you don't think about what you're doin' this weekend, when it comes time to pay for it, it might end up bein' more than you can afford. GEMINI: You better invest in a pair of asbestos slacks because now that you have some moolah, it's goin' to do its best arsonist imitation and burn a helluva hole in your pocket. Either that or you might as well get ready to dance while you're losin' your pants. CANCER: Okay, so things aren't goin' too well and you're not exactly the toast of the town right now. Whaddaya gonna do? Well, four outta five medicine men say havin' a heapin' helpin' of a sense o' humor will see you through. But you'll only get through if you know which way you're headed. Do you? LEO: Yeah, it's a dangerous journey, but what are you now? The cowardly lion? You've already taken the first step and the door's closed behind you, so don't just stand there shakin' and quakin', ya pussy! Start makin' tracks, instead, and get a head start before the winged monkeys come to carry your carcass away. VIRGO: Well, for once you don't have to worry about doin' somethin' stupid. No, it's not because you won't do anything dull-witted this week. You wish! You don't have to worry about it because you're going to find out what "dumb luck" is. LIBRA: Whooaa there, speedy! What's the big hurry? After you find out exactly what the deal is, then you can do whatever you want. Y'see, what you want might change after you hear what's what, so don't crack any eggs for breakfast unless you're damn sure you don't want cereal instead. SCORPIO: You've been toilin' hard lately, and don't think nobody's noticed. That's why this week you'll be rewarded - with more work! Don't let it get to you, though. Even if you do feel like you can't take anymore on, you can. And you'll be paid for your efforts one way or another. Right? SAGITTARIUS: You got what you wanted, but you had to work damn hard to get it. It wasn't pretty, either. But don't let your pride become arrogance. If your head gets so big it squeezes everyone out of your space, who'll be left to embrace you? CAPRICORN: Man, you Earth sign workaholics are makin' the rest of us down here look bad! No sooner have you completed one project then you find yourself attracted to a new one. Even though it means more work, it'll also pay off. Ahhhh. Work=Pay. So that's your secret, huh? AQUARIUS: C'mon you crazy kid, who do you think you're kiddin'? There's no situation you can't come out on top of, no matter how hopeless it appears. All that's required is a little touch of your trademark Aquarian analytical thinkin' and you'll soon find yourself floatin', not sinkin'. PISCES: It's gonna suck before the weekend, but it's not your fault. You're just gonna get tangled up arguin' with a stubborn, power-trippin' poohead. There is hope, though. Do somethin' nice for 'em without admitting defeat. If it doesn't end the entire debate, at least it'll shut 'em up for a while. |