FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 1998 All Rights Reserved.
| VIDEO VULTURE There's a ton of so-called "erotic thrillers" out there on tape, all with sexy box art and vague forgettable titles. Most of them seem to star Shannon Tweed, an ex-Playboy model who can actually act (although it's hard to tell in some of her movies), and who has an excellent sense of humor (as you'll find out later on this page). Since all of these direct-to-video potboilers look the same when they're sitting on the shelf, I thought I'd point out a pair of movies that are... different. Really different. In fact they're absolutely ridiculous! You won't find the titillation and thrills that the box covers seem to promise; instead you're more likely to injure yourself laughing! Even by Video Vulture standards, these two films are strange. Both feature pivotal bathtub scenes. · Dial Help (1989) Charlotte Lewis stars as a vain model who is tormented by supernatural forces. (From her perpetually blank facial expression, you'd think she was possessed by Bo Derek.) Things really get weird when the telephone falls in love with her. Not a telephone: the telephone. Everywhere she goes, telephones vie for her affection and prevent her estranged boyfriend from contacting her. At one point, her phone kills all of her goldfish by emitting a piercing shriek. Then, the phone starts killing people; usually bit-part characters who only showed up a few seconds earlier. A would-be rapist gets done in by a pay phone that shoots quarters out of its coin return slot like a machine gun! When Charlotte's neighbor warns her she should probably stay away from the phone for a while (because of the... you know... deaths and everything), she agrees, walks into her apartment, picks up the phone and makes love to it! Most amazingly, the phone hypnotizes her into dressing up in high heels and cheeky lingerie, climbing into a bathtub that appears to be full of Mountain Dew, and rolling around in ecstasy while the phone serenades her! The fact that this film was made by the director of Cannibal Holocaust blows my mind. · Electra (1995) Holy cow! This one's even weirder than Dial Help! Young Billy Duncan (Joe Tab) has been chemically augmented into the next step in human evolution. Now he's strong enough to knock a speeding van off the road with his shoulder. He's kept his abilities a secret, and has remained a virgin because he knows that whomever he sleeps with will also gain superpowers! Meanwhile, Billy's sexually frustrated stepmother (played by Shannon Tweed - yay!) is showing increasingly unhealthy interest in her boy, and a wheelchair-bound super-villain named "Roach" is after Billy's secret formula. Roach employs an army of goons in berets, a pair of ferocious female stripper/assassins in black leather fetish gear, a mind-reading device, brainwashing, and tons of other ridiculous methods in his mad quest for (gasp! horrors!) regaining the use of his legs! The movie starts out as a suspense thriller, then turns into a mutant Tennessee Williams play, and ends up as a frenzied comic-book hurricane that hilariously defies description. Out-takes and bloopers play over the closing credits. (Watch Shannon shriek "I'm gonna puke!" as she straddles Billy atop a rapidly spinning crucifix!) |